Fifty shades of marketing

Cast member Amanda Seyfried poses at the premiere of "In Time" at the Regency Village...

Cast member Amanda Seyfried poses at the premiere of "In Time" at the Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, California October 20, 2011. The movie opens in the U.S. on October 28. (REUTERS/Mark Boster/Pool)

MICHAEL RECHTSCHAFFEN, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 5:20 PM ET

While the rumour mill works overtime cranking out the names of potential frontrunners for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie (Ryan Gosling and Amanda Seyfried? Kristen Stewart and Alexander Skarsgard? Ian Somerhalder and Emilia Clarke?), one thing's for certain: The publishing phenom has spawned an entire sub-industry looking to cash in on the Fifth Shades craze, running the gamut from erotic weekend getaways to "naughty" classical music collections.

Examples?

Obviously there's the Heathman Hotel in Portland, Oregon, name-checked in E.L. James' first book as the scene of Christian and Anastasia's initial tryst.

Among the upgrades they're offering are the "Inner Goddess Addition," which is essentially a bottle of pinot gris, and the Charlie Tango No Limits package, which includes a helicopter tour of the city, dinner and snacks at the hotel restaurant and limo transfers.

That'll set you back about $2,750 plus you have to supply your own uh, supplies.

Here in Los Angeles, that 40-year-old institution known as The Pleasure Chest -- which has been enjoying a significant spike in mommy porn business thanks to the novels -- will be more than happy to accommodate.

They've even been offering Fifty Shades of Pleasure workshops to meet the demand.

The more prudish, teetotaler set might prefer Fifty Shades of Earl Grey tea, offered by Adagio Teas, which seduces with rooibos leaves, orange peel and marigold flowers.

While sipping the sultry brew, they can be serenaded by 66 Must-Have Sensual Classics (offered on Amazon), a classical musical collection that includes such selections as Bolero, Love Duet (from La Boheme) and, oooh, Sabre Dance.

Of course, we haven't forgotten Shades of Gray luxury kitchen and bath décor that tease with a Laufen washbasin with "seductive curves" and "edgy" Graff faucets in brushed nickel.

And that's not counting the obvious spoofs, like Fifty Shades of Chicken, a cookbook (by F. L. Fowler), featuring a provocatively-trussed bird on the cover.

Meanwhile, unsurprisingly, reality TV has gotten into the act, sending out a casting call for real-life Anastasia Steeles, on the lookout for candidates ranging from "the veteran submissive to a young lady interested in the lifestyle."

It's all enough to make you want to scream, "Stop!"


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