How the celeb memoirs stack up

MICHAEL RECHTSHAFFEN, Special to QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 11:19 AM ET

The fall season doesn't just bring out the cooler evenings and changing leaves--it also seems to yield a slew of fresh celebrity memoirs.

Maybe it has something to do with the need to come clean when you're in the autumn of your life (at least, before somebody else beats you to it), but the past few weeks have seen the release of a bumper crop of first-person tell-alls, with additional autobiographies by the likes of Rod Stewart and Pete Townsend waiting in the wings.

As for the current bunch, it's somehow fitting that Arnold Schwarzenegger's just-released book of true confessions weighs enough to use for doing bicep curls, while Neil Young's is the most freeform and rambling.

Here's how they stack up:

The memoir:

Waging Heavy Peace: A Hippie Dream

The subject: Neil Young

Age: 66

Pages: 512

Weight (of book): 2 lbs.

Childhood trauma: A life-threatening bout with polio when he was five and a then-performed procedure in which a radioactive dye was injected through his back into his nervous system.

Kiss and tell: Nicolette Larson

Drug use: Neil Young? Hel-lo! Frankly, we're surprised he was able to remember as much about his life as he did!

Acquired wisdom: "It is important to remember the times when life is in full bloom. Those are the moments that give us faith to move through the darkness when it falls."

The memoir:

Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story

The subject: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Age: 65

Pages: 656

Weight: 2.4 lbs.

Childhood trauma: Each morning his dad made him and his older brother do sit-ups and squats in order to "earn" breakfast.

Kiss and tell: A hot affair with Brigitte Nielsen

Drug use: Steroids

Acquired wisdom: "When someone tells you no, you should hear yes."

The memoir:

My Mother Was Nuts

The subject: Penny Marshall

Age: 68

Pages: 352

Weight: 1.3 lbs.

Childhood trauma: When in her teens, her mother told her "You were a miscarriage, but you were stubborn and held on."

Kiss and tell: Art Garfunkel

Drug use: Laverne? Surely! Cocaine, Quaaludes, acid, pot"¦

Acquired wisdom: "Try hard, play by the rules, help your friends, don't get too crazy, and have fun."

The memoir:

Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir

The subject: Guess who?

Age: 59

Pages: 352

Weight: 1.2 lbs.

Childhood trauma: Her "creepy" pedophile stepfather

Kiss and tell: No one special -- unless she ain't tellin'

Drug use: Not so unusual.

Acquired wisdom: "The only thing that prevented me from suicide is that I never wanted a headline to read, 'Girl who wanted to have fun just didn't.'"

The ENT Top 5 list

MEMOIRS WE'D LIKE TO SEE

Fifty Shades of Dre (by Dr. Dre)

Mockingjay (by David Letterman)

Evan is For Real (by Evan Rachel Wood)

Steve's Jobs (by Canadian hoopster Steve Nash)

The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared (by Regis Philbin)

HOW THEY MEASURE UP

Frankenweenie

Who: Sparky, the Frankenstein family reanimated pet dog

As Seen In: Frankenweenie (2012)

Made Famous By: Tim Burton

First Appearance: The 1984 short film of the same name

Frank-N-Furter

Who: Sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania

As Seen In: Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Made Famous By: Tim Curry

First Appearance: The 1973 stage musical of the same name

 

 


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