The fall season doesn't just bring out the cooler evenings and changing leaves--it also seems to yield a slew of fresh celebrity memoirs.
Maybe it has something to do with the need to come clean when you're in the autumn of your life (at least, before somebody else beats you to it), but the past few weeks have seen the release of a bumper crop of first-person tell-alls, with additional autobiographies by the likes of Rod Stewart and Pete Townsend waiting in the wings.
As for the current bunch, it's somehow fitting that Arnold Schwarzenegger's just-released book of true confessions weighs enough to use for doing bicep curls, while Neil Young's is the most freeform and rambling.
Here's how they stack up:
Waging Heavy Peace: A Hippie Dream
The subject: Neil Young
Weight (of book): 2 lbs.
Childhood trauma: A life-threatening bout with polio when he was five and a then-performed procedure in which a radioactive dye was injected through his back into his nervous system.
Kiss and tell: Nicolette Larson
Drug use: Neil Young? Hel-lo! Frankly, we're surprised he was able to remember as much about his life as he did!
Acquired wisdom: "It is important to remember the times when life is in full bloom. Those are the moments that give us faith to move through the darkness when it falls."
Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story
The subject: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Weight: 2.4 lbs.
Childhood trauma: Each morning his dad made him and his older brother do sit-ups and squats in order to "earn" breakfast.
Kiss and tell: A hot affair with Brigitte Nielsen
Drug use: Steroids
Acquired wisdom: "When someone tells you no, you should hear yes."
My Mother Was Nuts
The subject: Penny Marshall
Weight: 1.3 lbs.
Childhood trauma: When in her teens, her mother told her "You were a miscarriage, but you were stubborn and held on."
Kiss and tell: Art Garfunkel
Drug use: Laverne? Surely! Cocaine, Quaaludes, acid, pot"¦
Acquired wisdom: "Try hard, play by the rules, help your friends, don't get too crazy, and have fun."
Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir
The subject: Guess who?
Weight: 1.2 lbs.
Childhood trauma: Her "creepy" pedophile stepfather
Kiss and tell: No one special -- unless she ain't tellin'
Drug use: Not so unusual.
Acquired wisdom: "The only thing that prevented me from suicide is that I never wanted a headline to read, 'Girl who wanted to have fun just didn't.'"
The ENT Top 5 list
MEMOIRS WE'D LIKE TO SEE
Fifty Shades of Dre (by Dr. Dre)
Mockingjay (by David Letterman)
Evan is For Real (by Evan Rachel Wood)
Steve's Jobs (by Canadian hoopster Steve Nash)
The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared (by Regis Philbin)
HOW THEY MEASURE UP
Who: Sparky, the Frankenstein family reanimated pet dog
As Seen In: Frankenweenie (2012)
Made Famous By: Tim Burton
First Appearance: The 1984 short film of the same name
Who: Sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania
As Seen In: Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Made Famous By: Tim Curry
First Appearance: The 1973 stage musical of the same name