Justin Bieber, you're not in Stratford anymore

Looks as if Justin Bieber is shaping up to be the neighbour from hell. REUTERS/Jonathan Alcorn

Looks as if Justin Bieber is shaping up to be the neighbour from hell. REUTERS/Jonathan Alcorn

Liz Braun, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 1:53 PM ET

Looks as if Justin Bieber is shaping up to be the neighbour from hell.

And the route from Stratford sweetheart to Calabasas cowboy didn't seem to take very long, did it?

Bieber has been in the news constantly over the past year for a variety of juvenile and not-so-juvenile pranks in his own backyard. He's been in trouble for everything from drag racing through the gated community where he lives to spitting at neighbours. He's been seen riding a Segway around the block while smoking funny-looking cigarettes and he keeps neighbours awake with parties that go until 3 a.m. Not surprisingly, Bieber has an entourage, and that means plenty of cars in the street around his house at all times. His neighbours include such celebs as Tommy Lee, several Kardashians, Denise Richards, Jennifer Lopez, the Osbournes, LeAnn Rimes, Garry Sinise, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Nikki Sixx, which means Bieber is surrounded by people you'd best never aggravate.

The latest escapade is innocent on the surface — isn't throwing eggs at a neighbour's house a staple of Halloween bad behaviour? Alas, it's not Halloween, and it's not a few eggs, and the damage is extensive enough to boost this act of stupidity upward to felony status.

We'd suggest that Bieber's real crime here is being culturally tone-deaf. He doesn't seem to understand where he is. There are places in the deep south of America where the cult of the car is so intense that a man will shoot you for touching his vehicle, and the same sort of fanaticism is involved with the houses of the rich and famous in California neighbourhoods like Bieber's. A man's home is his castle, and in these gated communities such as Calabasas or Hidden Hills, that's not just a figure of speech. A lot of these houses really are castles, and are buffed and polished with a particular hysteria that makes a red-wine spill on a white carpet just cause to ring 911.

People in Bieber's neighbourhood will have entire teams of illegal Mexicans working inside and outside their houses, 365 days a year, with garden staff carving shrubbery into pretty shapes and polishing the driveways with toothbrushes. There are places in Calabasas where you can see acres and acres of perfect lawn without one single weed, leaf, twig or other foreign object lying around to blight perfection.

So yeah — dried raw egg on that fabulously expensive Venetian stucco, no doubt hand-ground by temple virgins from the Doge's Palace, could be an expensive proposition to remove. Biebs, who lives behind two sets of official neighbourhood gates in the Estates at the Oaks within Calabasas, might have figured out he's not in Kansas anymore when 11 police cars full of armed officers arrived to search his place for egging evidence. Read that again: 11.

TMZ reports that there was even a battering ram at the scene.

We don't think it was going to be used to whip those egg whites into a meringue.

To reiterate: It's not just that you're in trouble, Justin Bieber. It's that you're in trouble in Calabasas.

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