Do you measure up this Mother's Day?
Working Mother Magazine wants you to know that Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Victoria Beckham have been named among the 50 Most Powerful Moms of 2014.
Nobody would argue that these women are powerful, or at least rich, as are all the others on the list — Tina Fey, Sandra Bullock, Yahoo! bigwig Marissa Mayer, Universal Pictures Chairwoman Donna Langley, economist Sri Mulyani Indrawati, U.S. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, designer Tory Burch, philanthropist Melinda Gates and so on, and so forth. Just what their power has to do with being mothers remains unclear.
The chosen 50 come from various walks of life; the magazine picked from eight categories that cover fashion, finance, politics, philanthropy, science, marketing, news and — our fave — entertainment/literature, a category that would lump Christina Aguilera and, say, George Eliot together. But we digress.
According to Working Mother, all these women have been recognized because they are parents who "inspire us to keep striving for bigger and better."
Um - they do? Bigger and better what?
The magazine states, "With everything we're charged to do on a day-to-day basis, all working mothers are innately powerful ... This year's crop of power moms from around the globe have demonstrated the talent, business acumen, innovative spirit and sheer guts to make a formidable impact on the world in so many compelling ways."
Do we want to use the phrase 'formidable impact' when one of the listed 50 is Mary Barra, CEO of General Motors — currently balancing parenting with that pesky ignition switch scandal down at the shop? Maybe not.
Femalefirst quotes Jennifer Owens, editorial director of Working Mother Media, as saying these women know how to do it all. Says Owens, "The 2014 list of 'Most Powerful Moms' is a formidable group of women who manage to balance high-octane careers with caring for their families. From tastemakers to titans, these moms are a thriving group of women who revel in the payoff of integrating their work and motherhood lives."
You'll have to take that on faith, however, because the article in Working Mother says lots about how these women rule at work but little about how they deal with motherhood. A few talk about homework. One mentions a nanny. The rest could be beating their kids with a stick every day, for all we know.
Here's how one corporate honcho sums up balancing travel time and mom time: "It’s hard, but I make an effort."
Another mom on the list explains her effort to spend upwards of 15 minutes with her child in the morning.
A couple of women on the list are billionaires. Some moms are heads of major corporations and one or two are heads of state.
Yingluck Shinawatra, Thailand's very first female prime minister, says she has to 'fight for democracy' as part of her daily grind at the office. The magazine comments, "Doesn't that make your year-end review sound like a walk in the park?"
(Wait — so it's a competition?)
Funny that nobody mentions how Ms. Shinawatra was recently found guilty of abusing her power and invited to leave office. Oops! More mommy time, though.
Such a pity about the moms scraping for rent money who haven't managed to become tyrants, captains of industry, Beyonce or stars of their own sex tape. Hard cheese.
But Happy Mother's Day to you too, losers.