In the naked celebrity scandal, here's what we know so far:
1) Beautiful nude bodies are temporary.
2) The internet is forever.
As stories about big phish go, this one's a whopper.
Whether it was phishing or a big hack remains to be seen, but some kind of illicit internet activity has flooded the internet with naked pictures of famous people.
It will be interesting to hear what Apple says about this potential breach of iCloud security, if that's what it was.
Meanwhile, the list of nude famed folks — which is extensive — includes Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Ariana Grande, Kirsten Dunst, Krysten Ritter, soccer player Hope Solo, Cara Delevingne, Rihanna, Selena Gomez, Scarlett Johansson, Lea Michelle, Hayden Panettiere and Teresa Palmer. A so-called 'master list' has dozens more names of naked celebrities whose pictures are yet to come. (Don't get your hopes up.)
Two large moral issues arise from this so-called scandal, neither of which has anything to do with getting your kit off. Naked celebrities are a dime a dozen, although it should be said that some of these stars have gone out of their way to stay fully clothed in their working life. They must be doubly miffed.
Anyway, the first issue is the theft of private material and posting of same. It's convenient that the photos were leaked on 4chan, where creepy people can post creepy photos anonymously. That should make everybody on the planet very, very nervous and keen to find out what the hell happened and how it happened.
Because, obviously, nothing is sacred and nothing is safe.
And hackers are very good at what they do.
The next issue involves the people looking and commenting and reposting pictures on social media. The slut-shaming comments were the worst, and the general attitude that people are stupid for posing naked, that they should know better, that actresses are whores and etc. etc. is kind of terrifying. It's like seeing what crawls out when you kick over a rock: unexpected and disgusting.
Internet trolls hiding behind anonymity will find this all very amusing, at least until someone posts photos of them having sex with the family pet.
Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and Mary Elizabeth Winstead showed people what actual balls look like by saying at once that the pictures were authentic. For reprimanding the guilty parties, Winstead got plenty of nasty twitter comments.
The argument that all these people are fair game because they invited celebrity into their lives is wrong. This has nothing to do with naked pictures and everything to do with theft — it's just like saying that because Jennifer Lawrence welcomed the spotlight it's somehow okay to steal her wallet.
Meanwhile, we predict a surge of popularity in the near future for photos shot on old-fashioned film. You can take all the naked pictures you want to take, and all you need to keep them safe is someone you trust with a darkroom, and enough space under the bed to hide the pictures and the negatives.
Upon reflection, you might have trouble finding the 'someone you trust' part.