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Pop quiz: Willie Nelson has:
(a) been tied up and beaten with a broom by his first wife; (b) puffed more dope than Snoop Dogg and his posse in Maui; (c) allegedly completed a 36-hour sex marathon (including a somersault) with a groupie; (d) done all of the above.
If you know anything about The Red-Headed Stranger, you know the right answer has gotta be the last one.
Indeed, the 72-year-old Texas icon and country music outlaw has done it all, seen it all, smoked it all -- and probably written a song about it all -- over the course of his 50-year career.
Whether you treasured his meandering tunes before his braids were waist-length or you first noticed him while watching a Gap commercial a while back, there's a lot you don't know about Willie. Heck, there's probably a whole lot Willie doesn't even know about Willie anymore, if you follow our drift.
To that end, and to help put you in the mood for Nelson's concert tonight at MTS Centre, we've compiled a random list of 20 Things We Betcha Didn't Know About Willie -- Including One We Totally Made Up. If you can pick out the big fib, e-mail me at lward@wpgsun.com today at 10 a.m. One randomly selected winner with the correct answer will win five CDs, including Nelson's latest, Countryman.
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1) For a lonely highwayman, he's sure had a lot of company. Nelson's been married four times, and has been quoted saying, "There is no such thing as an ex-wife. There are only additional wives." He and current wife Annie have been married since 1991.
2) His latest disc and first reggae release, Countryman, just hit stores yesterday, but don't be surprised if he doesn't play any tracks from it tonight. The problem? Nelson keeps forgetting to include it on his set list.
3) He helps truckers get on the road again with his BioWillie brand of earth-friendly fuel made from soybeans and vegetable oil.
4) Despite his down-to-earth life approach, Nelson is known for dishing out mad cash for Trump-esque expenses like a private jet and palatial estate.
5) He's quick on the trigger. That's Trigger, his worn-out acoustic guitar, named after guitarist Roy Rogers' horse in the 1960s.
6) He was doomed to go to hell by age seven. At least, that's what he was told when he started drinking and smoking cigarettes in such tender years.
7) He could oompapa before he could twang. At age nine, Nelson played his first gigs with Raychecks' Polka Band.
8) He has a resume that includes a stint with the U.S. Air Force and careers as a janitor, radio DJ and a door-to-door vacuum and Bible salesman.
9) His big break came when he penned Patsy Cline's hit Crazy.
10) Nelson has vowed he will not cut his hair until pot is legalized.
11) When he's not holding a guitar, he's swinging a golf club. Nelson's known to play 18 to 54 holes a day on his own private course.
12) He may be a perpetually stoned senior, can kick your you-know-what. Nelson practises tae kwon do, jogs regularly and apparently has a speed bag attached to the roof of his tour bus.
13) He's a central character in Texas novelist and fellow country singer Kinky Friedman's 1997 book, Roadkill, in which a mysterious murderer offs members of Nelson's crew.
14) Willie recently published his own book of ramblings and reminiscences. It was called The Facts of Life - And Other Dirty Jokes.
15) He gets a smooch from Dukes of Hazzard co-star Jessica Simpson in their video for These Boots Were Made for Walking, a remake of Nancy Sinatra's classic for the film's soundtrack. Simpson reportedly called Nelson "an angel" following the shoot.
16) Nelson once bolted inside his flaming Nashville home to rescue a guitar -- oh yeah, and a pile of pot -- in 1970.
17) Willie was the first person to perform on Austin City Limits and returned to perform on the Texas music show's 25th anniversary episode a few years back.
18) Nelson once lit up a joint on the balcony while visiting the White House during the Carter administration.
19) He's released about as many albums as there are Dalmatians in that cutesy old Disney flick.
20) He cringes if anyone mentions the IRS. In 1990, The taxman sent him a bill for $32 million in back taxes, forcing him to sell most of his belongings. A deal with the feds and profits from his album The IRS Tapes: Who'll Buy My Memories? helped him climb out of debt.