 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo


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Sadly there was no shortage of disastrous films in 2005 from the ill-conceived thriller Dark Water to the laughably-inept The Longest Yard. Like Catwoman's Halle Berry before her, Charlize Theron proved that Oscar winners should never try to be action heroes. Theron's Aeon Flux is an embarrassment considering she won an Oscar for Monster and could easily see herself nominated next month for North Country. A few of the most annoying films of 2004 made money but most were bombs at the box-office as well as on celluloid.
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
Rob Schneider can be funny but not even he could save this vulgar, tasteless film whose obsession with the male anatomy is creepy and sophomoric.
SAW 2
When the original Saw made $100 million US on a $1.3 million investment it, and this equally successful sequel, opened the perverse floodgates for movies such as Wolf Creek and Hostel. The filmmakers are determined to see just how much gore, torture and violence they can depict. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was brilliant because it made us think we saw horrendous acts of violence whereas these filmmakers force us to actually watch them in what amounts to mock snuff films.
THE ARISTOCRATS
Watching and listening to 100 comedians do their version of a filthy joke is an exercise in nauseating self indulgence.
JIMINY GLICK IN LA LA LAND
Martin Short created the annoying and obese Jiminy Glick to spoof film critics. A one-note performance based on a fat suit is funny for about five minutes not 85.
KICKING AND SCREAMING
Will Ferrell is very funny in his cameo in the holiday musical The Producers and managed to be a welcome Christmas visitor last year in Elf. In this trite and tired tale of a loser who wants to be a winner, Ferrell trotted out all his worst excesses proving even a little of Will goes much too far.
BEWITCHED
The Dukes of Hazzard and The Honeymooners were pretty lame tributes to vintage TV shows but with Bewitched, Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell made them look vaguely competent and even funny given there's not a hint of magic or mischief in this Bewitched.
FANTASTIC FOUR
Enough already. Comic books don't make great movies unless they employ top notch writers and stylish directors. Fantastic Four looks as if it was made computers using left over software from previous comic book flicks.
DOMINO
It's obvious Tony Scott made this thriller for attention-deficit audiences. Kiera Knightley, who did such wonderful work in Pride & Prejudice, is lost in this sleazy, unfocused mess.
STAY
This is the kind of pretentious artsy nonsense that gives filmmaking a bad name. Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts or Ryan Gosling give the flattest, dullest performances of their careers.
XXX: STATE OF THE UNION
Eyebrows were raised in Hollywood when Vin Diesel passed on this sequel to his 2002 hit in favour of the kiddie-friendly The Pacifier. Good old Vin turned out to be not nearly as clueless as he sometimes appears. Of all the sequel duds this one, starring Ice Cube, ranks at the top.