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Allegedly face-down drunk in a hotel hallway, reportedly rejected by James Franco, rumoured to have been drinking huge amounts of alcohol ordered for her in a restaurant by "friends."
Those are a few of the things that reportedly preceded Lindsay Lohan's recent trip to the Wonderland Centre for rehab.
Rehab is fab, people. You're nobody in Tinseltown, apparently, until you've gone the detox route. And as Liza Minnelli -- and dozens of others -- can attest, there's nothing like a near-death experience or a trip to a treatment centre to goose media interest in a tired career.
Miss Lohan's stay at Wonderland (yes, that's the real name of the place) should be comfortable enough. Wonderland's website says it is a secure, gated facility, with first-class food and accommodation, two pools and three acres of grounds.
There's more: Since "Wonderland is located in Los Angeles, the backbone of the entertainment industry, we recognize that many of our clients have careers in the performance arts. For countless years, it has been accepted that the performing arts go hand-in-hand with a bleak history of alcoholism and addiction. How many successful artists have been cut down in their prime by these chronic and fatal diseases?" (And gone on to sell millions of CDs and DVDs posthumously? Geez. Look on the bright side.)
The Promises treatment centre in Malibu is another popular spot for celebs. Here's some bumpf from its website: "Tucked into the Santa Monica Mountains with a gorgeous panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean, Promises Malibu offers an unparalleled recovery experience. Our Malibu facility offers uncommon luxury and is the rehab facility of choice for business executives, professionals, celebrities, government officials and anyone wanting the finest rehab program in the world."
Well. Why have rehab, when you can have the finest rehab program in the world?
A lot of famous people have had an unparalleled recovery experience. A surprising number of those began with a court order, but that is another unparalleled recovery story.
(Want more? The Sierra Tucson is a swell place for help with substance abuse, eating disorders and grief management and was the help spot of choice for Whitney Houston, Michael Douglas, Nicole Richie, Rob Lowe and Kim Delaney. You're welcome.)
Many celebs have had interesting rehab stints. Elizabeth Taylor found a husband in rehab, for example, altering her usual marital gambit of finding them under rocks.
Kate Moss probably ate something in rehab. Well, maybe.
Naomi Campbell got to slug a bunch of people when it was revealed that she'd been in rehab.
Matthew Perry was told on Larry King Live that his former Vicodin habit was nothing compared to Jamie Lee Curtis' former habit.
And Whitney Houston talked about the power of prayer in her fight against cocaine, pills and marijuana in an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2002, followed by a rehab stint in 2004 and another in 2005, and after that we just lost track.
In a recent interview with the Belfast Telegraph, Dr. Alastair Ross (University of Strathclyde) listed personality type, environment, public expectation and crowds of yes-men as some of the reasons for the connection between celebrity and addiction.
He also said this interesting thing: "If celebrities do
something that is socially unacceptable -- for example, with respect to sexual behaviour -- they will often claim
to be addicted. Michael Douglas seemed to be just another guy who cheated on his partner. But he had access to good lawyers and good PR, and the explanation that he was addicted emerged and he was going to get help and people felt sorry for him."
Which brings us to our top 10 rehab list, and why it starts with ...
MEL GIBSON
Oh, boo hoo. Poor l'il Mel Gibson, he didn't mean it. He didn't mean to drive drunk, insult cops, and spew ignorant sexist and anti-Semitic comments, sugar tits. Rumour has it that Gibson was stopped at least twice prior to last year's incident but not charged. After Gibson's grovelling and not very sincere sounding apologies and stint in rehab, an unimpressed Joan Rivers said, "He is an anti-Semitic son of a b----." She also said of him, "His bumper sticker is 'My other car is a gas chamber.' "
CHARLIE SHEEN
One of the more colourful rehab grads, Sheen was in and out of trouble for years before he finally cleaned up. There was the little incident of a $50,000 Heidi Fleiss prostitute bill, bad relationships, girl slapping, overdose, hospital, rehab, more rehab, rehab again and then marriage to the lovely and talented intellectual, Denise Richards.
TOM SIZEMORE
Sizemore is one of the most underrated actors (Heat, Black Hawk Down, Wyatt Earp, Saving Private Ryan, Devil In A Blue Dress ) of his generation, but he just can't stay out of trouble. The drugs of choice that have propelled him into rehab in the past include heroin and crystal meth, and he's the guy most likely to smack a girlfriend, to get caught with a prosthetic penis, and to fake drug test results. Maybe the new VH1 reality TV series, Shooting Sizemore, will finally turn his life around. Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown.
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
His drug- and alcohol-related activities kept him on a list of "celebs most likely to die" for several years. His troubles began in earnest 10 years ago following a traffic stop for speeding, at which time he was arrested for drunk driving and for having heroin and a gun in the car. Downey was in rehab, lockdown rehab and eventually in jail, after he had violated probation about 693 times. He once said of his addictions, "It's like I have a loaded gun in my mouth. And I like the taste of metal."
RUSH LIMBAUGH
"Like Newt Gingrich, who vowed to attack Bill Clinton in every speech for hiding his sad little dalliance with Monica Lewinsky while he himself was carrying on a years-long affair with a congressional staffer young enough to be his daughter, and William J. Bennett, who made millions promoting flinty self-discipline while gambling away comparable amounts in Las Vegas fleshpots, Limbaugh took a stern line on demon dope ("If people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up") while himself possessing and consuming controlled substances in prodigious quantities."-- Hendrik Hertzberg on Limbaugh's third trip to rehab, in The New Yorker
KEITH URBAN
Nobody would care if Keith Urban developed a taste for turpentine, except that he's married to Nicole Kidman. Oh, Z-z-z-z-z-z. As he just told the BBC, after finishing up his 90 days of rehab, "It's hard to quantify what I learned in 90 days, but suffice it to say, it's been one of the most impactful times of my whole life." No announcement as to when he starts cliche rehab.
TARA CONNER, MISS USA
Conner was seen acting drunk and disorderly out in public enough times to almost lose her pageant crown. But -- and ignominious or what -- she got a second chance, courtesy of Donald Trump. Conner has denied being an alcoholic but spent time at a rehab centre in Pennsylvania anyway. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. But not really.
COURTNEY LOVE
Love spent time in foster homes and state facilities as an adolescent and graduated to rehab facilities as an adult. There's a long list of crazy stuff, drug use, weird behaviour, loss of custody of her daughter, lockdown rehab and all that. It's enough, already.
NICK NOLTE
Who could resist another look at this mug shot? Katharine Hepburn once called Nick Nolte a "fall-down drunk" and the actor was certainly known to be a heavy drinker in the past. He was supposed to have quit all that years ago, but this photo was taken in 2002 when a drooling and dishevelled Nolte was pulled over by highway patrol cops in California. He checked himself into rehab. He was charged with driving under the influence; gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB, the date-rape drug) was found in his system.
OZZY OSBOURNE
Let's give the last word to the king of rehab. "When my ass was on fire, when I'd go crazy and everyone was chasing me, and my wife had left home and the kids were screaming and I was never allowed into the house again, I'd check in," he told femalefirst.co.uk. "Betty Ford is a good one, and a place called Promises in Malibu, which is like a Hollywood resort for wealthy lunatics. Hazelden in Minnesota is a really hard one. I checked out because it scared me. They used a thing called tough love where they're like, 'You f---ing piece of s---!' I was like, 'You don't need to yell at me.' "