Since his announcement that, "Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine," Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been a constant source of entertainment for late-night television hosts.
But in addition to bumbling apologies for “past mistakes,” allegations of drugs and gangs have given the Ford saga an added element that cries out for a Hollywood adaptation.
Thursday’s comments, though, sent the Ford story into the stratosphere. In addressing allegations that he made sexually suggestive comments to former policy adviser Olivia Gondek, Ford dropped lines that further proved his life could be the perfect plot for a feature film.
“[Documents say] I wanted to eat her p--- and I have never said that in my life to her,” a football-jersey clad Ford told reporters. “I would never do that. I’m happily married and I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.”
On that note, we take a look at six actors that can play Ford when Hollywood decides to bring his story to the big screen.
Sadly, the one actor who might have been able to play him best is no longer with us.
R.I.P. Chris Farley - this is a role you were born to play.
1. Jack Black
There’s only one actor manic enough to mimic Ford’s “extremely inebriated” on-camera rant – “Birds”...”Give me five minutes, five minutes” – than Jack Black. But what sets him apart, is his ability to uncover the layers of rage we can only imagine lingering beneath Ford’s happy go-lucky exterior. Remember how Ford allegedly gave another motorist the finger? Did you sorta chuckle when Ford confronted Coun. Denzil Minnan-Wong in City Hall? Then, Jack Black is the best person to capture that bottled-up anger that will make you laugh and cringe at the same time.
2. Tom Cruise
Yeah, I’m not talking about Mission: Impossible Cruise. Do you remember the foul-mouthed Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder? That’s proof Cruise can craft Ford as a misunderstood, combative mayor. Imagine Cruise’s Grossman yelling, “I wanna call Mayor Bratina in Hamilton and tell him we’re going to spank their little Tiger-Cats” – and you’ll agree; he’d be perfect as Mayor Ford.
3. Seth Rogen
Okay, I haven’t seen the crack video. But after numerous descriptions, I think that Seth Rogen is money in the bank to play a stoned Rob Ford.
4. Kevin James
There’s a physicality that James would bring to the role that we’ve seen the real Ford display. Recalling Ford’s football fumble at a Grey Cup event in 2012, and his drunkenly riff on Hulk Hogan in a video obtained by the Toronto Star, James seems an ideal choice to embody those antics. Not to mention that he’s a self-avowed profuse sweater, too.
5. Philip Seymour Hoffman
Okay, let’s say filmmakers see this as a drama, with very few laughs. An embattled mayor, battling his demons, in over his head, surrounded by few civic councillors all with one goal in mind: Get him out. If that’s Hollywood’s take, then there’s only one actor with the range to run the gamut of emotions, and that’s Philip Seymour Hoffman.