Russell Crowe's 'Noah' upsetting the apple cart

Russell Crowe in Noah.

Russell Crowe in Noah.

Liz Braun, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 3:26 PM ET

For what shall it profit a man to gain a movie ticket and forfeit his own soul?

We must now add to the already legion moral detriments of movie-going — bad dialogue, fattening snacks, Adam Sandler — the possibility of eternal damnation, if various religious experts are to be believed.

So much to judge, so little time.

The guardians of your soul are currently duking it out as to whether or not Frozen is an important Christian film (is Anna a Christ-like figure in her attempts to redeem big sis Elsa?) or a hotbed of evil. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Pastor Kevin Swanson of Colorado sees the movie as the pro-gay, pro-bestiality handiwork of Satan. Golly.

Then there's Noah. For all that Hollywood hopes we'll enter the theatre, two by two, to see the Darren Aronofsky-directed biblical epic, there are issues. (The movie stars Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Anthony Hopkins and Ray Winstone... So the cast's not an issue.)

The big-budgeted feature depicts a holy figure, which goes against Islamic teaching, and means the film has got the thumbs down from censors in various Muslim countries, such as Qatar, Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates; the same may happen in Jordan, Kuwait and Egypt.

Christian groups also take issue with the film and question the biblical accuracy of the movie — 'biblical accuracy' being one of those phrases that should cause your brain to put the brakes on immediately, but never mind.

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Creationist Ken Ham (of Answers in Genesis), who recently debated creationism and evolution with Bill Nye (The Science Guy), is a busy person. Ham put the boots to Mark Burnett and Roma Downey's Son of God movie for failing to properly address sin and hellfire. Now he turneth his wrath upon Noah.

Noah, he reckons, deviates enough from the Bible to potentially do more harm than good. His organization lists several reasons (in christianpost.com), including Noah's anger and, "an over-the-top emphasis on environmentalism where animals are much more important than people," as to why Bible believers maybe shouldn't see the movie.

Couldn't the movie prompt Bible-reading? Maybe, says Ham (in NewsMax), "But in this day and age, young people have a hard time deciphering reality from fiction and don't often take the time to form their own educated opinions."

Go ahead — read that again: Reality. Fiction. Educated opinions.

And the Bible.

Creepiest voice in all this belongs to Chris Stone, founder of the Faith Driven Consumer, or as we like to call them, Blackmailers for Jesus. Stone says this sort of thing (as reported in businessmirror.com):

“Faith Driven Consumers are eager to channel their formidable purchasing power toward entertainment choices that resonate with their values, and are keenly interested in the Bible-themed films that Hollywood studios are offering this year. As such, moviemakers are positioned to realize large profits if they are successful in connecting with Faith Driven Consumers."

Got that, Hollywood? Play ball with these God-fearing judgy judgers from Judgmentville and it translates into profit. Guess Stone was away the day his Bible group covered the money-changers in the temple.

The end result of all these so-called Christian groups needling Paramount over Noah has been this disclaimer from the studio: “The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values, and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.”

We prefer the director's take on all this. As Aronofsky said to the crowd at the world premiere of Noah in Mexico on Monday, "It's a very, very different movie. Anything you're expecting, you're f------ wrong."

Amen to that.

Twitter: @LizBraunSun

Liz.braun@sunmedia.ca


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