Why 'The Goonies' should never get a sequel

The original cast of The Goonies (1985)

The original cast of The Goonies (1985)

Steve Tilley, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 5:08 PM ET

The Goonies are good. But are they good enough for a sequel?

From comic books to video games to movies, the entertainment of our youth always seems to hold a special, unassailable place in our hearts. The Uncanny X-Men #136 was the best comic book ever. The Legend of Zelda was the best video game ever. The Goonies was the best movie ever. EVER, OK? NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE. ZIP IT.

But of course it’s open for debate. How long has it been since you’ve actually seen 1985’s kid-friendly adventure The Goonies? Or Gremlins or E.T. or Space Jam or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? We loved these movies as kids, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they can time-travel to this decade without losing most of what made them special.

Which is why I’m a bit prickly about all this talk of a Goonies sequel. Prickly because, first of all, I doubt it will come to pass. The tippy-top of this particular rumour waterfall is a TMZ clip in which director Donner says, in a passing comment, that he hopes to bring back all the stars for a sequel. Well, I hope to live in a house made entirely of bacon, and while that’s technically possible, that doesn’t mean it’s plausible or practical.

And secondly, I don’t want to see another Goonies movie, original stars or otherwise. In fact my editor suggested that I write a column this week about all the movies from my youth that I’d like to have come back as sequels or remakes, but as I sat down to begin tapping away, I drew a blank. There aren’t any. Not a one.

I love The Goonies as much as the next ’80s kid, but I love it because it represents a specific moment in my life when that film really resonated. Same goes for Gremlins, same goes for Space Jam, same goes for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The ’80s are being aggressively mined by Hollywood for films to revisit or reboot, but I don’t think these resurrected properties are really aimed at we, the original fans, beyond being a familiar title that might make us curious enough to bring our kids or cousins or nieces and nephews to the theatre.

There’s nothing wrong with producing a singular piece of art and letting it persist on its own through the ages. You didn’t see Leonardo Da Vinci doing the Mona Lisa 2 decades after he painted the first. (Or maybe he did. Or maybe he was dead by then. My knowledge of art history is not quite as deep as my knowledge of ’80s pop culture.)

Point is, the rose-coloured glasses of nostalgia tend to make us wistful. Rewatch these movies. See if they still hold up for you. Think about how they’d be modernized and updated for our cynical, CGI’d decade.

And then ask yourself if it really would be good enough.

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Twitter: @stevetilley

steve.tilley@sunmedia.ca

 


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