NEW YORK -- A press conference always sounds like such a serious undertaking, but not when it involves Tim Allen holding forth on The Shaggy Dog.

The Shaggy Dog is a remake of two Disney features, the original Shaggy Dog and The Shaggy D.A.

Allen, 52, stars in the new version of the comedy as an ambitious district attorney who has become a lousy husband and father. All that changes when he is magically transformed into a dog. Woof.

At the Shaggy Dog press gathering, Allen is asked a number of inane questions about doggie behaviour and about getting in touch with his inner dog.

Luckily, the star of Home Improvement has answers that are better than a stand-up routine.

He is quick, funny and just a bit naughty.

Allen says that when the film was being put together he insisted that there be few special effects and no stupid dog tricks, like dogs driving cars, or talking. And he also wanted to avoid all the obvious "butt smelling" and licking visual humour.

"It's hard to get away from those cheap jokes," he says.

So how did he get that dog to smell his backside in the elevator scene?

"Ah yes, how to avoid the keister jokes. And now let's talk about the keister joke," he laughs.

"They put meat smell on the inside of my thighs. And I was thinking, 'Is this really a great idea?' "

Is it tough to work with animals?

"The worst was in the car scene. I had a spider monkey named Dorothy, and then a chimp, a rabbit, four rats and a snake. And the animals don't like each other. And the monkey and I did not get along. The trainer said, 'Dorothy is a little hyper, she's not comfortable with you right now,' and there she is, right in my face by my eyeball, and I kept visualizing the eye going POP! And they quieted her down with soft candy, and I was like, 'Is that a good idea, getting her all hopped up on sugar?' And she's chained to the back of my neck so she won't fall out the back of the car, and she's got a diaper on, and she's angry, and she's nervous, and, 'Action'!

"And then the trainer says, 'Wait! Don't let the little monkey near the chimp. They're cross species, and the chimp will just rip her head off.'

"And I'm like, 'Oh.' It's like W.C. Fields' worst nightmare. That's all I seem to work with -- kids, prosthetics, animatronics and animals."

How did you do that long, panting, canine tongue?

"I talked to Gene Simmons of KISS," quips Allen.

"Was it computer generated? I hope so," he says, laughing, "or I'd have a long line of women out here going, 'Yahoooo!'"

Is Allen a cat or a dog person?

"I like cats. They crap in a box and they don't eat until they explode, whereas dogs will eat until they die. Cats will leave food in the dish. That's incomprehensible to a dog."

How did he run on all fours in the movie?

"It was so fun. You could run and jump 40 feet.

"They put a harness on me, then it goes up 100 feet to a crane and it's balanced by a big bunch of weights and there are seven or eight guys driving along with me. We did it in Los Angeles."

Whose idea was it to smash into that old lady?

"That was my gag. Disney was very worried about hitting an old woman, and I was adamant, not just an old woman but an old woman on a walker.

"We are sick human beings, people."

How is it, really, working with kids?

"The meaner I am, the more they follow me around."

Any movie you'd especially like to do?

"A biography of Bob Hope."