Tim Allen, marriage counsellor.
When Allen appeared at the Television Critics Association tour earlier this week to promote his new show Last Man Standing (coming in October to ABC and Citytv), he got into a discussion about the traditional roles of men and women that had aliens buzzing on Mars and Venus.
"I really believe that men need stuff to do, I've always thought that," said Allen, 58.
"(Men) have to have hobbies and you should be able to fix stuff. My grandma and my aunt both said, 'There's nothing more attractive than a guy busy doing something.'
"Maybe it's traditional -- Joy Behar and I got into this on (The View), and we know each other -- but I like women who know how to cook. I don't know how to cook very well. I like the process of letting a woman take care of you. It's either old-school or misogynistic. (Behar) said, 'Why don't you just marry Betty Crocker?' She got real mad at me."
Allen defended his position by stressing that no one should do anything against his or her will.
"The women in my life like cooking, they like cooking for their men," Allen said. "And the men in my life like futzing around the house and being able to take care of a home and little things.
"When men lose this capacity to 'mortise and tenon' with wood, we're kind of left with nothing to do, like those big drone bees that get kicked out of the hive. You've seen them.
"I don't know what that meant, but boy, did that sound good. I sounded like Obama there for a minute."
President Obama probably would beg to differ.
Nonetheless, there's no denying Tim Allen can be entertaining -- in an edgier way than his TV personae, bordering on cranky -- when trapped in a room with reporters.
As for Last Man Standing, how much you enjoy it will depend upon how much you enjoyed Allen's old show Home Improvement (1991-99), because they're virtually the same.
They're both family-based sitcoms with Allen's characters struggling to keep up with a changing world. In Home Improvement Allen had a wife and three sons. In Last Man Standing he has a wife and three daughters. In Home Improvement Allen had a TV show about tools. In Last Man Standing he runs a sporting goods store.
"What I really wanted was to flip-flop HI (Home Improvement)," Allen admitted openly.
There were a couple of funny lines in the pilot episode for Last Man Standing. The opinion of soccer espoused by Allen's character was amusing, as was his take on men dancing.
But again, if you liked Allen's character in Home Improvement, simply add a dash of William Shatner's character in the cancelled $h*! My Dad Says and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.
Ultimately, if Last Man Standing loses its legs, Tim Allen always can become a marriage counsellor.
Er ... um ... only on Mars, maybe. Work will be harder to find on Venus.
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