  Johnny Depp |
They say bad things happen in threes.
So following in -- but apparently undeterred by -- the grand tradition established by Jaws 3-D, Poltergeist III, Porky's Revenge, Superman III and Halloween III, this summer movie season brings us more threesomes than a Mary Kay party at Jenna Jameson's house.
The difference? This time, these threepeats -- Spider-Man, Shrek and Pirates of the Caribbean, among them -- are expected to propel Hollywood to a scorching, record-shattering season.
Even Harry Potter is taking his broomstick and getting out of the way of the Spider-Shrek-Jack Sparrow triumvirate.
(Instead, the teen wizard's latest cinematic chapter, The Order of the Phoenix, will bow in July.)
Also back for thirds? Matt Damon's Jason Bourne in The Bourne Ultimatum and the cocky cons of Ocean's Thirteen.
But with Hollywood drooling at the financial prospects of this sequel-stuffed season is there any room left over for a few original productions?
The makers of such promising first-timers as Ratatouille, Knocked Up and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry are banking on it.
Here then are the films of summer. And please note, all release dates are as subject to change as Anne Heche's sexuality.
Pirates Of the Caribbean: At World's End May 25
ON DECK: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush, Chow Yun Fat, Keith Richards.
booty call: After rescuing Jack Sparrow from the afterlife, the world's pirates wage war against the East Indian Trading Company.
ship-shape? The purported running time (close to three hours) could test audience affection for Depp's fey-buckler schtick. That said, many expect Pirates to sail past both Shrek and Spider-Man 3.
Shrek The Third May 18
VOICE-MALE: Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz, Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas.
ONCE UPON A TIME: Shrek, Donkey and Puss in Boots try to convince rebellious heir Artie (Timberlake) to rule Far, Far Away so homesick Shrek can return to his swamp.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER? The glut of CG-animated comedies in recent years may have tarnished some of the genre's lustre, but Shrek remains Hollywood's most popular, non-Pixar animated franchise.
Evan Almighty June 22
CARREYING ON: Steve Carell -- the funniest thing about the first film -- takes over for Jim Carrey in this Bruce Almighty sequel. Morgan Freeman's back as God because God continues to refuse to play Himself.
IN THE BEGINNING: God orders Evan to build an ark because he's going to flood the Earth.
NOAH WAY OUT: Evan Almighty is already the most expensive comedy in history -- $200 million US or so -- which means it will require an act of God to turn a profit.
Ratatouille June 29
WHO'S IN THE KITCHEN: The voices of Patton Oswalt, Brad Garrett, Janeane Garofalo,
Peter O'Toole.
THE RECIPE: A Paris rat cooks up a scheme to fulfill his dream of becoming a gourmet chef.
SMELL OF SUCCESS: The Pixar brand has yet to truly misfire. And after weeks of retreads, filmgoers should be salivating for something they haven't seen before.
TransformerS July 4
IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT: Shia LaBeouf, Jon Voight, Bernie Mac.
THE NUTS 'N' BOLTS: Robots in disguise as everyday vehicles duke it out for planetary dominance. LaBeouf plays a teen who unwittingly gets a Transformer as his first set of wheels.
GEARS OF WAR: Even director Michael Bay -- a maestro of mayhem who couldn't make a sensical film without a road map -- can't possibly screw up a concept as elemental as giant freaking robots, can he? Can he?
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix July 13
RE-APPEARING ACT: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint return for this fifth outing of the J.K. Rowling franchise.
MAGIC ACT: Harry founds an underground rebel movement to go wand to wand with Voldemort.
GROWING PAINS: Director, David Yates, is untried when it comes to mounting this brand of mammoth undertaking. And will Potter fans balk at how much of the 800-page tome has been cut for the screen?
Knocked UP June 1
CRASS CLOWNS: Seth Rogan, Katherine Heigl, Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd.
LABOUR OF LOVE: A slacker (Rogan) gets his over-achieving one-night stand (Heigl from Grey's Anatomy) pregnant. From the director of The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY? The trailer's a riot and, judging by the mid-June slot, the studio clearly believes this could be the raunch comedy of the summer.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry July 20
WEDDING BELLES: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel.
THE STRAIGHT STORY: Two heterosexual firefighters get married to take advantage of the health benefits. Sandler's mettle is tested, however, when Biel arrives on the scene as the duo's sultry attorney.
HONEYMOON PERIOD: Sandler would need an Uzi to get his fans into one of his dramas. Just as he would need an Uzi to keep them away from one of his frat-boy comedies.
The Simpsons Movie July 27
SAME OLD TOONS: The regular cast of Simpson voice actors are joined by Alberta Brooks, Minnie Driver, Erin Brockovich.
THE SKINNY: The hush-hush plot reportedly revolves around Homer trying to save Springfield from a disaster he's responsible for.
LICENCE TO PRINT D'OH? The box office results should make even Mr. Burns smile.
The Bourne Ultimatum August 3
REMEMBER THEM? Matt Damon, Joan Allen, Julia Stiles and the Shaky-Cam are all back.
IDENTITY CRISIS: Still wondering who he really is, Damon's ex-assassin Bourne heads home to learn the truth about himself. And to kill a lot of people.
STILL ON TARGET: With director Paul Greengrass (United 93) behind the camera once again, we expect this installment to be at least as popular as the last two.
Underdog
Rise
Hot Rod
FRIDAY AUGUST 10
Daddy Day Camp
Rush Hour 3
Stardust
Bratz
FRIDAY AUGUST 17
Superbad
Wedding Daze
Arctic Tale
Penelope
FRIDAY AUGUST 24
The Comebacks
Good Luck Chuck
FRIDAY AUGUST 31
The Brothers Solomon
Mr. Bean's Holiday
More Artists
