Friday, February 21, 1997

By JIM SLOTEK

Before Aladdin's parrot entered his life and before his whiny voice showed up on every other TV ad, fans of Gilbert Gottfried wondered whether his heart was really in standup.

Who could tell? His face masks his mood, and his voice is his insurance. If he gets stuck, he'll just repeat the last thing he said over and over, getting laughs out of a mantra. He looks as cranky after a good set as a bad one (though I find his shows unwaveringly consistent).

Presumably he doesn't need the money these days, so he must really like the mike. And at the first of two Toronto Comedy Fest shows at Yuk Yuk's Superclub Wednesday, Gilbert delivered the same performance as ever - about 45 minutes (Springsteen he's not) with vocal filler, punctuated by brutally sarcastic observations.

Like why is everybody in Da Vinci's The Last Supper sitting on one side of the table? Gilbert posits that "if they were on both sides of the table some of them would be looking back like this," he said, offering up a hilarious over-the-shoulder "say-cheese" grin.

And what is it with the Amish? "They don't drink, they don't smoke, they don't do anything - unless Harrison Ford stops over. Then their entire culture goes out the window. It's like `Whaddya wanna do tomorrow? - I dunno, let's stand by the roadside and frown. Oh, here comes Harison Ford, let's have an orgy!'"

He's not the first comic to latch onto McDonald's "coffee lawsuit," but he is the most sarcastic. "Her coffee was too hot, she sued and won. I figure if McDonald's lawyers are that stupid, no one should have to work for a living. `Hey, I asked for a Coke and there was ice in it!' Oh my God, here's a chequebook. Write in the amount."

Planet Of The Apes, The Last Temptation Of Christ, Charles Manson, Jim Jones ("He said `I bet I could get all these people to commit suicide.' I said `Get outta here!' - `Really, I could get them to drink poison Kool Aid' - I said `Okay, five bucks.' Boy, was my face red. It was like throwing five bucks out the window.")

Gilbert's vocal gimmickry aside, it was a solid `hit' of twisted humor for fans of the genre.

THE PLOT SICKENS: But let's talk about really twisted humor - the kind served up at the Comedy Fest's Dark Show Tuesday at the Rivoli.

What kind of stuff's too evil to play in a regular club? Well, amid a sea of "f"-words, there was Lincoln Trudeau's musing on how to kill Mike Harris without making a martyr out of him. His conclusion was that the premier should be chopped up and fed to the homeless - the poetry of the act becoming paramount. (I know in the light of day this sounds unconscionable. But in the "it's-only-a-joke" atmosphere of the evening, this bit got laughs).

Other comics took weak stabs at the Special Olympics. Looking like Courtney Love, Paul Irving came out in a dress to act out an "if JonBenet Ramsey had survived" skit, singing I'll Never Grow Up in a mall in the year 2010, while "mom" shrieked bitterly from the sidelines.

A surreal moment, indeed, as was anti-comic Dave Martin, portraying Charlie Manson as a standup comic.

Some not particularly dark acts were on the bill, including amiable host Kristeen Von Hagen and Harry Doupe (whose game attempt at evil included an admission of being sick of Fred Goldman - "Just 'cause your son got killed doesn't mean you have to be on TV talking about it. You don't see Bill Cosby... uh, oh yeah, you do.")

Ironically, the two darkest comics by reputation didn't live up to the bill. Edgy Jack Norman didn't have his best set, and "heckler killer" Ron Vaudry inexplicably let some noisy jerks in the back of the room keep their skin.

I'd say he's getting soft, but he'd probably hurt me.


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