Morning at the Four Season's cafe. I've got a coffee, Harland Williams has just ordered tea. Is he trying to convince people he's British to increase his chances of an Oscar?

"I'm very sophisticated now, Jim," Williams says drily. "You've seen Sorority Boys."

One of Canada's premier wizards of absurdity, Williams is still looking for a Hollywood persona that fits. He can be seen in Sorority Boys as the drunken waste-case Doofer -- the least convincing of three disgraced frat guys who put on dresses and hide out in a sorority while trying to clear their names.

While ensconced therein, they learn the error of their beer-guzzling, woman-demeaning frat ways. They also learn how to accessorize to downplay a big butt.

Fans of this grandchild-once-removed of Animal House will be interested to know Williams' secret shame -- he has never seen that classic comedy. "I guess it's sacrilege," the transplanted Toronto boy says. "The truth is, between me and you and the paper, it's not my type of humour. I'm not a big fan of the sophomoric crushing beercans on your head humour.

"This movie (Sorority Boys) is one of those. I like it 'cause it's fun. But my personal taste is more, like Raising Arizona or Monty Python." Or There's Something About Mary, where he had a scene-stealing turn as a psycho hitchkiker.

In fact, the producers wanted a "Belushi-type" for the gonzo Doofer. Luckily, in his audition Williams convinced them to lower their weight standards. "I mean, the script specifically called for a fat guy," he says. "I didn't go out of my way to stay in stellar shape during the movie. But I wasn't going to put on a lot of weight. I mean, this isn't Raging Bull.

"Normally I try to stay in shape. Could you pass the butter please?" he says, grabbing a piece of toast emphatically.

His brutal assessment of his sorority look: "I'm, like, 6-foot-2. I looked like one of the rejects from Star Wars. If Kenny G and Michael Bolton had a lovechild ... And the girl from Wendy's. If they had a threesome.

"It was kind of neat with the girls in the cast. They liked to hover around me and chitchat. I was like the friendly older sister." Although that might not be the vibe you're looking for when you're 39 and recently divorced.

It's been a long run for the Sheraton College animation grad. And yet he still has nothing he thinks should go on his tombstone. He'd still like to produce a cartoon one day. In the meantime, he's voiced several. Ned's Newt, Gary And Mike, "and Sammy, David Spade's short-lived show."

Um, haven't they all been short-lived? "Well, Simon (his WB sitcom) lasted a whole season. Geena lasted a whole season. Gary And Mike was gone after 13 and Sammy was gone after three. What can I tell ya? TV's tough man. They all come and go faster than a Korean submarine," he says.

In the meantime, he's getting set to start Back By Midnight, with Rodney Dangerfield. "Rodney plays the warden of a prison, and I'm like his sidekick, a Texas sheriff. And I have to chase these guys all over the country and bring 'em back."

Sounds like fun, though, again, unlikely to be fodder for one's tombstone. "That's the thing," he says. "I wouldn't want to deal with the stigma of being Pee-wee or Opie. I'd much rather be remembered as a chameleon.

"I feel like I'm the Harry Dean Stanton of Canada. I pop up in movies, and some of them are amazing."


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