  Oscar host Ellen DeGeneres performs during the 79th Academy Awards telecast Sunday, Feb. 25, 2007, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill) |
Everybody likes to pick on
the Academy Awards, but
really, this might have been
the most boring edition ever.
You knew it was going to be
a long night when
they decided to
begin the glamorous
Oscars with
a freakin’ home
movie.
Okay, maybe it
was nice for some
of the lower-profile
nominees to
get a moment
in the spotlight.
But as the local cable-
quality
montage of various nominees
— both the somebodies and
the nobodies — continued
last night, there was more fake
laughter on the screen than
there is when radio personalities
do TV ads.
Overall effect: Flat. It didn’t
exactly warm up the crowd for
rookie host Ellen DeGeneres.
BUSH LEAGUE: DeGeneres was
incredibly casual in her opening
monologue, and afterward
as well. Perhaps too
casual. There were
uncomfortable
silences.
DeGeneres
always is likable,
but her pause-laden
delivery seemed to
slow down a show
that already is too
long. And she did
too much walking
around and talking
to the audience, too.
It’s the Oscars, not The Jerry
Springer Show.
When you need to get a
Hollywood crowd back on
side, however, you always can
take an indirect shot at U.S.
President George W. Bush.
DeGeneres set up her best
line this way: “Jennifer Hudson
was on American Idol
and America didn’t vote for
her, and yet she’s here with an
Oscar nomination.
“And then, Al Gore is here,
and America DID vote for him
...”
As Johnny Carson would
say, funny stuff.
HE’S GUMBY, DAMMIT: Much was
made of comedian Eddie
Murphy’s foray into drama
with Dreamgirls. But for real
drama, you couldn’t beat Murphy’s
reaction when the best supporting-
actor award that
everybody thought he would
win went to Alan Arkin.
Eddie’s eyes narrowed and
his lips tightened before he
remembered he was supposed
to applaud. Nothing
against Eddie, but it serves
him right for Norbit.
TIME WARP: James Taylor?
Randy Newman? Melissa Etheridge?
What is this, the Academy
Awards or Sweatin’ To
The Oldies?
FOOD FIGHT: As a moment of
truth, it was illuminating. As a
message for young girls, it was
disastrous. One of the teams
providing red-carpet coverage
was from the E! Network in the
U.S., with American Idol’s Ryan
Seacrest doing the interviews,
and Jay Manuel, Giuliana
DePandi and the uber-skinny
Debbie Matenopoulos analyzing
from a nearby skybox.
Depandi asked Matenopoulos
if she ever actually eats.
Matenopoulos pulled a cough
drop out of her mouth and
admitted it was the first thing
she had eaten all day.
“I’m tired of women saying,
‘I had a hamburger and
a milkshake before I came
here,” Matenopoulos said.
“They’re lying. They diet
and they don’t eat much. It’s
lies and I don’t like to lie.”
WORLD BEWARE: Canadian
singer Celine Dion, whose
five-year stint in Las Vegas is
ending, dropped some news
about a post-Vegas tour during
an interview with Seacreast.
“There’s a big possibility
of me touring the world,”
Dion said. “But we’ll take a little
vacation before.”
UPON FURTHER REVIEW: In the
first few minutes of red-carpet
coverage, Depandi gushed,
“This is like the Super Bowl of
entertainment.”
We waited all night for Rex
Grossman of the Chicago
Bears to show up and start
fumbling statuettes.
EARLY BIRD: Who shows up
early on the red carpet? The
least famous? The most nervous?
Well, the Erectile Dysfunction
Award For Premature
Arrival goes to actress Maggie
Gyllenhaal, who was the first
famous person we spotted.
BELLES OF THE BALL: Classic beauty
division — Penelope
Cruz, even though the bottom
of her blush-coloured gown
looked like sewn-together
seat covers from a 1975 Pontiac
Le Mans. Sexy division —
Jessica Biel. Her sultry, electric-
pink dress aptly showed
off her Oscar-quality curves.
Personal-taste division —
Mrs. Borat herself, actress Isla
Fisher. Red hair, low-cut forest-
green dress. I like her, I
really like her.
START CONVINCING HIM NOW: For
next year’s Oscar host, based
on his performance as a presenter
last night, there’s no
question about what to do:
Let’s draft Jerry Seinfeld.
