BIZARRO WORLD -- The Dark Knight won big at the Oscars From Another Planet(TM) last night, taking home a fistful of trophies, including best picture, best director for Christopher Nolan and best supporting actor for Heath Ledger.
The only rain on The Dark Knight's parade came with the selection of Robert Downey Jr. as best actor for Iron Man, beating out Dark Knight's Christian Bale as well as the sentimental audience favourite Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull).
It was a case of adding insult to injury for the once-favoured Bale, whose infamous profanity-laced diatribe against a cinematography director on the set of Terminator: Salvation served as the inspiration for a comical musical number by guest-performers The Blue Man Group, and as fodder for countless one-liners by host Dane Cook.
Rounding out the major winners were best actress Meryl Streep for Mamma Mia!, and best supporting actress Charlize Theron for Hancock. Best picture nom WALL*E had to settle for best animated film, and The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian won for best foreign language film (a category that was extended this year to include British accents when movie subtitles were outlawed in 13 states on presidential election ballot propositions).
The awards drew record overnight ratings of 80 million, owing to the hefty combined box office of the best picture nominees, The Dark Knight, WALL*E, Quantum Of Solace, Tropic Thunder and Iron Man.
"We are proud of the fact that these fine films all attracted a wide audience," said Brett Ratner, president of the Bizarro World Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. "It has been a hallmark since the inception of these Academy Awards that we honour movies people have seen. You wanna watch some crap about a sex-starved female Nazi prison guard not named Ilsa, the Independent Spirit Awards are taking place down the hall. I hear the wine is organic and the coffee is fair trade. If it gets any greener, there'll be photosynthesis happening."
Supporting actor winner Ledger provided the evening's most moving moment, recalling in his acceptance speech his near-death experience early last year when he accidentally overdosed on prescription medication. He thanked the paramedics who resuscitated him at his New York apartment, and dedicated his award to "the only woman I've ever truly loved," his wife of three months, Mary Kate Olsen.
In other, less important categories, 10,000 B.C. won for best documentary feature, Sex And The City won in the recently-merged best makeup/special-effects category, Can I Have This Dance? from High School Musical 3 won best original song and a standing ovation for Zac Efron, and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award went to Tom Cruise for his work in killing Hitler.
