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January 21, 2005
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Kate Upton


Movie Review: Are We There Yet?

Road trip veers off course
By -- Calgary Sun




Chevy Chase should be feeling vindicated, if not down-right smug.

Back in the 1980s, there were those who scoffed at his National Lampoon Vacation movies.

Now studios are rushing to make rip-offs.

We've already had everything from Cedric the Entertainer's Johnson Family Vacation to the teen sex romp Eurotrip. This weekend, Ice Cube takes us on a road trip with Are We There Yet?

If you try to tackle this one without a kid or two in tow you'll be asking yourself precisely the same question.

It's a loud, brash, silly, crude piece of slapstick for preteens that makes those old Home Alone movies look insightful and sensitive.

Ice Cube plays Nick Persons, a former professional athlete who runs a store selling sports collectibles.

He's a confirmed bachelor until he spies Suzanne Kingston (Nia Long) across the street.

It's a mix of love and lust at first sight, so he makes a move.

But there are two major obstacles.

Suzanne's children, Kevin (Philip Bolden) and Lindsey (Aleisha Allen), hate him as much as he professes to hate children.

They don't want any man paying attention to their mother because they believe their father will return one day, even though he abandoned them for another family.

The kids are determined to do everything possible to scare Nick away from their mother.

When Suzanne has to go from Portland, Ore., to Vancouver to work over Christmas, a series of mind-numbing contrivances sees Nick taking her kids to the airport, then the train station, to set them on their way to join her.

When they thwart him in less than credible ways, he winds up driving them all the way to Vancouver in his new Lincoln Navigator.

You just know that beautiful vehicle is not going to remain intact. Its gradual and inevitable destruction is meant to be hilarious, but when it includes a false kidnapping charge, it's hardly laughable.

There are a few genuine howls in the film, especially when the trio encounters an attack deer, but there's at least an equal number of cringe-inducing moments.

Mocking bodily functions may be a source of humour for youngsters, but it can be a real turn-off for adults.

The four screenwriters for Are We Here Yet? try to cover all the bases, but the result is shoddy.

In choosing to do this family-friendly flick, Ice Cube is trying to emulate the success of Eddie Murphy, who revitalized his career by softening his edges.

Ice Cube is the best thing about the movie, but he has to work hard to overcome the inadequacies of this dreadful screenplay.

Bolden and Allen are promising young actors, but their characters are so mean-spirited it's difficult to warm to them unless you're a mean-spirited little tyke yourself.

This is one road trip you should consider letting your kids take alone at home when it comes out on DVD.

(This film is rated G)
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