PLOT: Two idiots compete for the attention of a large-breasted blond at the Costco-like store where they all work.

Employee Of The Month is a nasty, homophobic little comedy that features an overstyled performance from Jessica Simpson's hair.

The story concerns Zack and Vince, mortal enemies at a big-box store where Zack (Dane Cook) slacks off and Vince (Dax Shepard) is head cashier. Vince has been employee of the month for 17 straight months. If he wins again, for a record 18 months, he'll get a car and corporate recognition. Or something.

The film is such humourless drivel it's depressing just to write about it.

A pretty new cashier (Simpson) comes to work at the store with Zack and Vince. The boys hear that she'll have sex with any guy who earns Employee Of The Month honours. Seriously.

Did a gibbon write this screenplay?

Zack decides to pull up his socks and go for Employee Of The Month. Zack starts to get to work on time. He takes his job more seriously. Vince thinks he can't lose.

He is amazed that Zack has begun to do better at work. What a crazy competition!

Vince has a side kick in Jorge (the wonderful Efren Ramirez, who was Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite ). Jorge appears to be gay and is devoted to Vince.

Zack's sidekicks at the store are played Andy Dick, Harland Williams, and Brian George; the first two are morons and the third is funny because he has 22 children and his farts smell.

Tim Bagley, one of the best things about the film, plays the storemanager. He appears to be gay and is afraid of his brother. Here is the calibre of jokes in Employee Of The Month : Bagley's name in the movie is Glen Garry. His dwarf brother (h'yuk!), who terrifies him, is named Glen Ross.

Glen Gary. Glen Ross. Say it fast.

Boy. Funny or what.

BOTTOM LINE: You'll want to rip your own head off just to make it stop.

(This film is rated PG)
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