PLOT: Four humans are "fantastically" mutated during a cosmic storm in outer space. Back on Earth, they discover they have freaky superpowers which they ultimately use to fight the evil villain Dr. Doom.
Fantastic Four falls too far short of the X-Men and Spider-Man franchises to be called fantastic.
How about The Okay Quartet?
Most "okay" movies have a devoted core audience and this one probably will generate one, too. An anonymous American fan who reads like a geek-boy has already posted a rave review on the Internet Movie Database. So that fraternity of presumed comic book readers will no doubt find my rating too stingy and my reservations too stodgy.
Yet it is impossible for Fantastic Four to escape comparisons with better comic book movies. Both the X-Men and Spider-Man series, along with the new Batman Begins, boast superior casting, strong storylines and more spectacular special effects. That adds up to more bang for the buck.
In Fantastic Four, only two of the superheroes are just right. Chris Evans is a cowboy hoot as Johnny Storm, the hotdogging, wise-cracking youth who turns into The Human Torch. Michael Chiklis is sympathtic as Ben Grimm, the tough-talking New Yorker who becomes the rock-hard The Thing. And that is no mean feat to pull off.
In contrast, Jessica Alba has the curves and sex appeal necessary for Sue Storm but her acting is as stone cold dead as Dr. Doom's heart. She is also mistreated by the movie: Her "invisible" stripping scene on the bridge is stupid.
Worse still, Ioan Gruffudd is blandly boring as super-scientist Reed Richards. We are supposed to believe that sensuous Sue loves this brainy buffoon. But, in the movie, their chemistry is even more of a mystery than the composition of the cosmic radiation storm that mutates our four leads into people with "fantastic" superpowers.
Speaking of which, Richards can stretch his body to astonishing lengths; Sue Storm can make herself invisible and create defence shields around other people and places; Johnny Storm can light himself on fire and fly; and Grimm is engaging because he has super-strength and a big heart.
The plotline has a structural problem. We enter the movie with Sue engaged to the future villain, ruthless tycoon Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon). He, too, will be mutated in the cosmic stormcloud. But that takes a long, long time.
By the time they all get into space and mutated and back on Earth and doing their fantastical tricks, we're getting restless. Not to mention fed up with mopey Richards refusing to make the moves on Storm girl. This sappy subplot, with its romantic cliches, bogs down the action.
You quickly realize that Tim Story's movie -- clumsily written by Michael France and Mark Frost from characters created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee (who appears in his longest Marvel Comics cameo) -- lacks energy and drive.
There are some fun moments, most generated by red-hot Johnny, and moving moments, all involving The Thing. But the overall effect is still far too juvenile to feel fantastic.
(This film is rated PG)
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