PLOT: Hostage with computers. A bank security specialist must break into his own vaults (electronically, of course) and secure millions for the criminals holding his family. This is a film that involves Harrison Ford angrily shouting this sort of dialogue: "Do you see any maintenance terminals?!!?" and punching a keyboard. Z-z-z-z-z-z-z, we must say.
This a big week for mediocrity at the movies. A big decade, maybe.
The new Harrison Ford outing, Firewall, is proof that bad material always trumps talent, even when that talent includes actors as good as Paul Bettany or Virginia Madsen. ('Harrison Ford' and 'talent' do not appear in the same sentence. Thank you.)
Ford plays the crusty but lovable and deeply honest security honcho, Jack Stanfield, just as he has played crusty but lovable and deeply honest secret agents, presidents, archeologists, etc. Two facial expressions, no waiting.
Jack is happily married (to Virginia Madsen) and has two lovely children. When he agrees one day to an after-work business meeting, he has no idea that the meeting is just an excuse to keep him from going home, where his wife and kids are being terrorized by criminals.
So then he goes home. Jack is horrified to discover that his house and his family have been taken over by a gang of thieves. The ringleader (Paul Bettany, superb as always) explains that Jack must somehow hack into his own bank and transfer hundreds of millions to the bad guys -- or kiss his family goodbye.
Jack does his best to get around the bad guys, subvert their mission and ruin their plans, but each time he attempts to thwart them, the bad guys catch on. Darn it!
Eventually, Jack wrests control of the situation and gives the bad guys a taste of their own medicine! How he does this is so boring and yet simultaneously so needlessly complicated that he then has to find his secretary (Mary Lynn Rajskub) and explain it all to her. This is obviously a job for Basil Exposition.
Ford and his family represent the American unit and all things good and proper, and they must make a stand against the bad guys who have invaded their space and live among them. You could interpret that in all kinds of political and social ways, or you could sort your sock drawer, which would likely have a more satisfying outcome.
Firewall is plot heavy and character thin. Some of the surveillance and privacy notions are interesting, but the story is clunky and obvious, and every thrill is announced in advance. Every plot twist is predictable. Every gun shot, too.
You'll anticipate every moment of cunning cruelty on the part of the bad guys. You'll see every attempt on Jack's part to foil them long before it happens. And it's not just because you've seen it all before in other movies, either, although that doesn't help. No, Firewall has its own special brand of stupidity, the sort that puts forward an obsessive, detail-oriented master criminal and then has him fail to notice a change in the very computer operations that are central to his plan. Come on, you guys.
Anyway, when the cat-and-mouse proceedings begin to really heat up in Firewall, people have to type fast and hit delete a lot, which is always so thrilling. Then there's some driving, fist fights and explosions to cover, and let's not forget the faithful family dog. Okay, let's.
BOTTOM LINE: Is it because most films are made for teenage boys that audiences are so routinely underestimated these days? Just wondering, you understand. This one has 'rental' written all over it.
(This film is rated PG)
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