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The idea that Uwe Boll is the world's worst director, in the Ed Wood Jr. sense, has taken on a life of its own. The German-born, B.C.-based filmmaker has even played into it with a certain flair -- staging boxing matches, for example, in which he's punched out critics.
Like his movies, his pugilism defies logic. I'm pretty sure I could beat up Stephen Hawking, but that wouldn't make me any better at math.
And so, even with critics lying bloodied on the canvas, Uwe Boll carries on badly, scoring funding, signing and hilariously miscasting "name" actors -- all of whom seem to deliver their lines in wonky single takes -- and editing his epics with a dull razor.
This is a different kind of bad than, say, the glossy, homogenous, boring Hollywood bad we get from a Michael Bay. This is an impassioned, feverish bad, the kind that is as pure of heart as it is innocent of style. Ed Wood bad.
Like other movies in his oeuvre, In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is "inspired" by a popular video game, in this case the role-playing-game Dungeon Siege. Not that it matters.
We're talking Burt Reynolds as the King of the title. Ray Liotta as the evil wizard with the inexplicable Jersey accent who has little to do but watch events through a crystal ball and laugh maniacally by himself.
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Leelee Sobieski going medieval on orc asses, and Matthew Lillard (yes, Scooby's pal Shaggy) as a snivelling royal traitor, the only non-Brit to put on an accent (albeit one that makes him sound like a waiter at Medieval Times).
With a Uwe Boll type of bad film, you never know when the next "wtf?" moment is coming. Hey, we're in the middle of a presumably English forest! Why not throw in some ninjas? And just like that, our hero, Jason Statham, is fighting ninjas who finally disappear and are never seen nor spoken of again.
Statham plays a character known only as "Farmer," who harvests turnips from the craggy soil with the help of his wife (Claire Forlani) and son. Farmer's best friend, a lumpy old soldier named Norick (Ron Perlman), keeps trying to get him to join the King's army, but you know how it is with a man and his turnips.
That all changes, however, with an attack by Krugs, who differ from Lord Of The Rings' orcs by their ... um, I'm not really sure. Turns out armies of Krugs are everywhere, doing the bidding of Lord Gallian (Liotta), who's also been materializing in the bedroom of Muriella (Sobieski), the daughter of the King's wizard (John Rhys Davies). Secondary characters are soon killed under siege, and the higher-priced B talent are thus sworn to avenge them. Or something.
Farmer has allies, like the all-female tree sprites who are rather big and buxom to be sprites and slide down their not-so-vinelike ropes with somewhat less than Cirque du Soleil aplomb.
All in all, it's the funniest movie of the young year, though it doesn't mean to be.
(This film is rated PG)