PLOT: In the year 2019, a restless and inquisitive resident of a post-apocalyptic city begins to discover that all is not as it seems -- and his life may be in serious danger.
Big, dumb, stupid fun. That's life on The Island.
No doubt, Michael Bay's summer popcorn flick will be thrashed and trashed by most critics as empty of meaning, ludicrous in plotting and ridiculous in its hokey, quasi-religious ending.
All that is absolutely true.
Yet there is something compelling about watching it. This movie is so bad it's good, especially because Ewan McGregor helps sell the silliness with a strong performance that would have worked in a much more serious film.
Meanwhile, pouty Scarlett Johansson, while wasted for the most part as a sidekick character, looks good doing it.
In the end, The Island feels as if master Stanley Kubrick were reborn without a brain, given a bigger budget and asked to remake Escape From Alcatraz -- or Bay's own hit movie The Rock -- as a futuristic sci-fi thriller.
Just don't go expecting anything as sophisticated as 2001: A Space Odyssey. Keep your eyes wide, your brain shut.
As Island opens, the year is 2019. We are deep inside a post-apocalyptic, hi-tech facility where streaming columns of white-clad worker bees go about their business, dreaming of winning a lottery. Those winning individuals are promised a wondrous dream: Escape to a contamination-free zone on an island paradise. Hence, the title.
Inside the facility, however, the people -- such as the ones played by McGregor and Johansson -- are treated as drones who attend to their mindless tasks while being monitored for even minute variations in their metabolism and health.
Under the control of the friendly villain (Sean Bean), this is a sexless world, too, so the routine is boring. Interaction longer than seconds between men and women is strictly forbidden. Virginal McGregor is left to pine vaguely for more intense contact with the similarly naive Johansson.
But our hero is just not staying with the program. His mind is wandering. Things just don't feel right, especially in his interactions with a slovenly computer whiz (Steve Buscemi, who gets the movie's only snappy lines of dialogue).
McGregor becomes curious about what is behind the facade. Curiosity killed the cat, but don't forget the kicker -- satisfaction brought him back. Whether McGregor ever gets his satisfaction is at the heart of the story, such as it is.
But, really, this being a Michael Bay movie with even more crash-and-burn special effects scenes than in Armageddon, any human concerns are secondary. The plot is just an excuse to get to the elaborate chase sequences involving a vigilante warrior dude (Djimon Housou).
These sequences are all spectacular, of course. That's where the budget went, into digital effects. Bay & Co. certainly did not spend much time and money filling in the holes in the plot, nor trying to make sense of anything as McGregor and Johansson insult logic in their death-defying stunts.
Just as he did in The Rock, however, Bay makes it fun. As long as you don't listen to your inner voice saying: "Empty, ludicrous, ridiculous!"
(This film is rated PG)
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