If everyone talked like the f—ing Trailer Park Boys, there'd be no f—ing need for a c#@!!—ing movie like m—f—ing Swearnet in the first f—ing place.
We can explain.
Swearnet is the new movie from the nation's best-loved idiot Canuck stereotypes, the Trailer Park Boys, only this time it's for real. The guys are playing themselves, not their Trailer Park roles.
Swearnet is not about Bubbles, Ricky and Julian; it's about Mike Smith, Rob Wells and John Paul Tremblay, the actors who play those roles. Sort of.
And they're f—ing p—ed. Told they can't develop a new show with a slang word for vagina in the title and sick and tired of being censored, the guys decide to develop swearnet.com, their own Internet network. On Swearnet, anything goes, so it's news, weather, sports and entertainment with no holds barred on the f—ing language.
The guys lure Patrick Roach (Randy on Trailer Park Boys) into playing the station mascot, Swearman, a masked crusader for drunkenness and filthy talk.
They finally get Swearnet on the air, unleashing vile language, full frontal nudity (that part's a mistake) and general chaos on an unsuspecting public.
In time, trailed by loan sharks who attempt to blow up their houses, the guys wind up in a car race in the company of Tom Green and Carrot Top. Various other hijinks bring rocker Sebastian Bach and Trailer Park regulars Cory Bowles and John Dunsworth into the mix; Sarah Jurgens has some great moments as Rob Wells' demented girlfriend.
Swearnet involves sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, vomit and other bodily fluids, one of the longest shots of a naked penis extant on the big screen and dozens of genuinely gross and disgusting moments forever memorialized on film.
The only problem with gross-out humour? You have to keep upping the ante for the shock value to count, and at some point Swearnet takes it over the top. Too much of a good thing, you might say, but that would be a fib. It just gets sort of stupid. And the movie is too long. But these are minor quibbles.
We happen to love Trailer Park Boys because of the essential innocence under all their bad behaviour and idiocy. That cheerful ignorance is missing from the characters they play in Swearnet. Turns out to be quite a loss.
Swearnet is not for the faint of heart.