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 Hayden Christensen stars in Screen Gems' action thriller TAKERS. |
For those keeping score, style just scored another touchdown against substance.
In fact, substance gets all but shut out in Takers, the fast-moving, ridiculous heist movie that, for ironic purposes we're sure, casts an actual just-released jailbird -- rapper T.I. -- in the role of a just-released jailbird (as well as celeb mugshot-ee Chris Brown as a junior bank robber).
Directed by John Luessenhop as if he forgot to take his Ritalin, Takers is a movie with two speeds -- high-octane chases with no shot longer than a half second, and scenes of stylin' gangstas talking tactics while adopting poses better suited to designer label ads, or commercials for men's fragrances.
The aforementioned T.I., who plays a bad-ass ex-con looking to rejoin his old gang (with intimations of ulterior motives), is one of only two cast members who appears able to act a lick (the other being The Wire's formidable Idris Elba, who's the best actor in a lot of crappy movies like this).
As Takers opens, we meet "The Law," represented by maverick LAPD cop Jack Welles (Matt Dillon, who plays the role so "maverickly," he evokes his brother Kevin playing Entourage's Johnny Drama), and his partner Eddie (Jay Hernandez).
Meanwhile, across town, a remarkably elaborate bank robbery goes down, with an escape plan that, while fun to watch, is utterly unreliable and impractical. But it does allow our boys to look cool, walking away nonchalantly while a helicopter blows up 30 feet behind them.
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Left counting their money are Gordon (Elba), the brothers Jesse and Jake Attica (Brown and Michael Early), porkpie-hatted piano player A.J. (Hayden Christensen) and John (Paul Walker).
That's when Ghost (T.I.), an ex-colleague who got caught in a heist years earlier, shows up with a plan that makes their bank robbery look like a cheap shoplifting spree (but not before he makes a mysterious visit to some Russian mobsters).
Ghost's plan is (a) hasty (it's got to take place within five days), (b) complicated and nasty (it involves a lot of property damage) and (c) suspicious (they distrust the guy so much they discuss scenarios in which they would kill him).
After brief scenes explaining the deep psychological reasons for their lives of crime (Gordon's sister is a junkie who needs to go back to the Caribbean for healing, the Attica brothers want to buy their dad a house when he gets out of prison, etc.), the last act plays out in all its dizzying complexity and inevitable cock-ups.
The highlight here: Jesse on the run from Jack and Eddie, in what I have to admit is one of the most frenetic foot-chase scenes I've ever seen.
The end? Let's just say some vocal audience members at the screening I was at narrated the events out loud seconds before they happened. That's not good.
(This film is rated 14A)
jim.slotek@sunmedia.ca