What happens when a bunch of lightweight TV actors make the jump to the big screen in a cliched Western directed by the guy who made Halloween H20?

Texas Rangers, that's what.

It really isn't any wonder that Texas Rangers, which had been shelved for a couple of years, has the look and feel of a TV movie. The film stars boob-tube regulars James Van Der Beek (Dawson's Creek), Dylan McDermott (The Practice), Ashton Kutcher (That '70s Show) and Robert Patrick (The X-Files) in major roles, with Joe Spano (Hill Street Blues) showing up just long enough to get blown away by some dirty bandits.

Then there's Miner, the part-time cheesy-movie-director who also happens to have helmed episodes of Dawson's Creek and The Practice.

LAW-'BIDING

Texas Rangers is set in 1875, after the end of the U.S. Civil War. Dark and brooding ex-preacher Leander McNally (McDermott) is recruiting some law-abiding men to join his Texas Rangers and clean up the bandit-ridden state.

Lucky for him, the family of Lincoln Roger Dunnison (Van Der Beek) has just been senselessly murdered by a band of outlaws led by John King Fisher (Alfred Molina), prompting Dunnison to enlist, even though he has no skill as a shooter or a wrangler.

Others join in, too, including dim-witted George Dunham (Kutcher, who now corners the market on playing long-haired, slack-jawed numbskulls) and Randolph Scipio (R&B star Usher Raymond), a black sharpshooter with a big chip on his shoulder.

The film takes you through Ranger boot camp.

Then McNally foolishly leads his outgunned men into battle -- apparently, the Rangers had been sucking down whiskey at the saloon since high noon, because they fall for some of the oldest tricks in the dusty Western cliche book not once, but twice.

On the plus side, Texas Rangers is watchable trash -- it's decently paced, has a lot of unintentional laughs courtesy of the horrible dialogue ("You are a philosopher, George Durham"), and you don't have to waste a single, precious brain cell while watching it.

But only do it when it's the Movie Of The Week on TV.

(This film is rated AA)

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