Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

At last something Team Edward, Team Jacob and Team Don’t Care (I’m a member) can agree on: Eclipse is the sleekest, most atmospheric Twilight so far.

Now the qualifier: Most intestinal parasites have more energy and wit than last year’s New Moon. A two-hour performance by haiku-spouting, felt Nepalese hand puppets would have been an improvement — and, considering the fanaticism of so-called “Twi-hards,” probably just as profitable.

I say that not to undermine the accomplishment of new director David Slade, but to underscore the damaged, dreary goods he’s inherited as well as the obvious effort he’s put into scraping together more than just a cash-grab. Credit him for not just phoning — or tweeting — it in for a paycheque and a blockbuster on his resume.

Slade previously helmed the squirm-inducing how-to-castrate-a-pedophile thriller Hard Candy and the dread-soaked horror outing 30 Days of Night.

Opening Tuesday at midnight, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse obviously isn’t nearly as bleak or gripping as either of those, but it nevertheless injects a dose of dark gloss and style into the franchise based on Stephenie Meyer’s bit-lit best-sellers. It won’t make converts of those confounded by Twilight’s popularity, but there’s also considerably less for the haters to guffaw at.

Who knows? Had Slade directed the first two installments as well, it’s possible the Twilights might have avoided the squealing teenage girl ghetto they’re in. But he’s shackled, not just by the memories and missteps of those previous movies, but the franchise’s fidelity to the overwrought source material. So while glowering vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) no longer strides exclusively in slow motion — and even openly questions why romantic rival Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) feels compelled to wander around the woods in only a tattered pair of jean shorts — some things haven’t changed. The vampires still glitter ridiculously in the sunlight; much of the cast poses rather than emotes; and the digitalized wolves continue to look, well, like digitalized wolves — albeit ones who have grown slightly more organic since New Moon. Better, though, is that the story sews up various dangling, unresolved plot threads — which in turn makes this film less pointless than its predecessors — and portrays the about-time maturation of the characters. (Unfortunately it’s not the last in the series; two more movies are planned based on the fourth, decidedly uncinematic novel Breaking Dawn. Prediction: in two years, everyone wishes the filmmakers had quit now, while they were nominally ahead.)

Although virginal mortal Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward have reunited since the events of New Moon, their endlessly wan staring contest — sorry, I mean, relationship — is threatened on two fronts in Eclipse. For one, aforementioned were-stud Jacob is still lurking about, hoping his eight-pack will lure Bella away from the fang gang.

More pressingly, a fresh brood of newborn blood-slurpers is being created in Seattle by villainous vampire Victoria, the vengeful queen-bee redhead (now played by Bryce Dallas Howard, replacing unceremoniously ditched Rachelle Lefevre). Her goal? Exact revenge on Edward — who torched her lover in the first episode — by draining Bella dry.

The pending arrival of Victoria and Co. on Forks, Wash., eventually unites both Jacob’s shape-shifting wolf pack and Edward’s undead Cullen family. And there’s genuine, if fleeting, dramatic tension as both cursed creature clans prepare for the monster mash-up at the end. Less involving — at least for this non-tween-girl — is the love triangle that, for all its plaintive yearning after three movies, still never feels like it’s scratched the frequently shirtless surface.

(This film is rated PG)

kevin.williamson@sunmedia.ca
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