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Forget dialogue or character development, Underworld is an action film that stays the course, travelling along the edge of a paper-thin plot line that sees a centuries-old war between vampires and werewolves played out on, and beneath, the streets of Budapest.
As the vampire warrior Selene, Kate Beckinsale is all black latex and attitude, a cold-blooded killing machine who hunts down what are believed to be the last of the werewolves.
FAT CATS
Hers is an aristocratic species that has grown fat (actually, there are no fat vampires; in fact, all the women are pretty hot, especially for being undead) and lazy, having sat atop the food chain for so long.
As far as Hollywood vampires are concerned, they're actually pretty boring, apart from their cool goth clothes, hi-tech weapons and ability to jump off tall buildings. They don't turn into bats or mist, can't control animals and CAN see their reflections, which I guess is a good thing if you happen to look like Beckinsale.
The werewolves on the other hand are like a bunch of working-class yobs who, when not fighting vampires, turn into massive snarling beasts to play a little Fight Club.
They've also secretly been growing in strength and plan to capture a human, Michael (played by Toronto's Scott Speedman), whose blood holds a secret power for them.
LOVE BITES
Fearing Michael could pose a threat to her clan, Selene disobeys the orders of lead vampire Kraven (Shane Brolly) and kidnaps the human herself. During a battle to save him from the werewolves, Michael is subsequently bitten by the head "lycan," saves Selene's life and the two fall in love.
Talk about the love that dare not speak its name. For vampires, falling for a werewolf is akin to a human hooking up with a sheep. A very baaaad idea.
But don't worry, like I said, this is an action film that remains true to the genre. The only thing that gets gushy in this one are some unfortunate necks.
Feeling totally ostracized, Selene pulls another no-no by awakening the most powerful of the vampire elders from his slumber to ask for help. Pissed his alarm clock went off 100 years before it was supposed to, Viktor (Bill Nighy) sets out to end the werewolf threat once and for all, leading to a titanic final showdown that doesn't disappoint.
Director Len Wiseman, working on a relatively paltry $20-million budget, has obviously pumped the majority of the money into the special effects. The werewolves, a combination of animatronics and CGI, are by far Hollywood's best and most brutal to date and really steal the show.
Taken at face value, Underworld is great escapism, the same kind found in your comic book as a kid. Try to dig any deeper and you're bound to find disappointment.
In this year of the blockbuster, Underworld is the exclamation point. There's plenty of deep thinking ahead, so until the summer is officially over, sit back and enjoy one last blast.
(This film is rated 18-A)