You can forget 50 Cent and The Game -- the biggest feud right now in pop culture is between a couple of blond space-wasters, fledgling songstress Paris Hilton and has-been tartlet Britney Spears.

And what could possibly bring these vacuous man-cosies to a catfight?

The Syrian pullout of Lebanon? Social security reform?

No, no, no, no -- something that affects all our lives more deeply.

Those bug-eyed, little rodents they carry around in their purses which they call dogs.

Yes, it appears as though Spears, whose litter includes food-chain basement dwellers Lacy Loo, Lucky and, God help me, Bit Bit, recently drew the ire of Hilton by dissin' the latter's four-legged flee bag (no, not Nicole Richie).

"My dogs are stylin' and profilin' because (clothing label) Von Dutch just sent them the coolest little clothes," Spears was quoted as saying, albeit with all of the "likes" and "you knows" presumably omitted.

"I think my dogs are so much cuter than Tinkerbell."

Gasp!

Either sensing she'd started something she couldn't finish or worried it had been more than 12 seconds since she'd last been noticed, Britney quickly corrected herself in the -- I wish I was making it up -- "Dog's Crib" section of her website.

"I hope none of you really took my comments seriously when I was talking about Bit Bit and Tinkerbell," she wrote.

"I was just being silly and, of course, I think that Tinkerbell is very cute.

"Who knows? Maybe they will have a little play date together!"

And who knows? Maybe the yappy little stains you treat better than your fellow human beings will finally justify their existence by nourishing a family of barn owls!

(By the way, in case you're wondering, I report this story for no other reason than a burning desire to accelerate the decay of society.)

NO MORE POTTYMOUTH PUNKER

Punk isn't dead, it's just lame.

You can prove that by listening to one of the boy bands such as Good Charlotte or Simple Plan, or you can listen to one of the old guard who's, well, old.

Former Sex Pistols bassist Glen Matlock, who's infamous for unleashing a barrage of expletives live on British television, has now publicly come out against unnecessary swearing.

"It's pathetic when people just swear for the sake of it," said the 48-year who co-wrote Anarchy In the UK before being punted out of the band in favour of Sid Vicious.

"Something ought to be done."

Isn't that kind of like Lindsay Lohan's father speaking out against hockey dads?

QUICK HITS

For those going to the Duran Duran show at the 'Dome tomorrow night, make sure you get there early. Openers Ima Robot were the highlight of last year's Vans Warped Tour ... Speaking of the Warped Tour, the Calgary date for this year's event has officially been set for July 14 at Race City. No word on who will headline the local show, but some of the names signed up for the annual punk rock tour include The Offspring, My Chemical Romance and MxPx. Stay tuned for ticket info ... If you're looking for something to do today, head down to the Uptown and see End of the Century: The Ramones story. It's a superb documentary.