Explosions are cool.
It's one of those maxims, like puppies are cute, bald men are felons and any television show pairing Brian Austin Green with Freddie Prinze Jr. will be comedy gold!
But like most maxims, there's always a but (and usually some barely concealed breasts and several articles on how to get your freak on).
For example, puppies are cute BUT not when microwaved. Bald men are felons BUT only when convicted.
And any TV show pairing Brian Austin Green and Freddie Prinze Jr. will be comedy gold BUT don't be ridiculous, of course it won't.
So, with that in mind, let us return to our original statement and but it up a little bit -- explosions are cool BUT not when they set fire to musicians.
Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee is the latest to pull a Michael Jackson -- um, that doesn't sound quite right -- suffering non-serious burns as the result of a pyro mishap during a show this past week.
The rest of the concert was cancelled while Lee was whisked away to hospital -- well there were a lot of chicks in nurses uniforms so it could have been a hospital or a strip club, either way he's doing fine.
Now here's the thing -- that the incident happened should surprise absolutely no one, considering Nikki Sixx has already had the same thing happen.
Anyone who's seen the Crue's latest reunion tour knows that it's entirely about the spectacle -- explosions, midgets, scantily clad women, motorcycles.
Even the point at the show when the accident reportedly took place was when Lee, strapped into a harness -- probably not the first or last time that phrase will have been written -- was flying between two drum kits suspended above the stage.
Huge light shows, giant fireballs, flying solos -- it's all a part of trying to give the audience more bang for their buck, or in some cases pull the old Oz by asking concertgoers not to pay attention to the washed-up old men in front of the curtain.
Granted, not every person or band can captivate an audience with their music and natural charisma, but at times the extremes some are willing to go to "entertain" has to make you wonder how much is too much.
Whatever the case, as long as people keep demanding it and bands don't have the actual physical showmanship to back up the current concert price tag, beheadings, self-immolation and bloodletting onstage won't be limited to Alice Cooper and Gwar shows.
Or, in other words, you live by the spectacle, chances are at some point you'll suffer first-degree burns by the spectacle.
EDDIE VAN'S INXS
So with the inexplicable success of Rockstar INXS, the websites are heating up with speculation on who will be featured in the second series should there be one.
The question, should rather be, who's willing to degrade themselves and lose all credibility in order to briefly rekindle interest in them -- and, yes, INXS'* (asterisk now required) fortunes will plummet to the earth faster than Sputnik -- by anyone other than diehard fans.
Queen is touted as a frontrunner, despite having already recruited Paul Rodgers.
But I'd say the safe bet is Van Halen, who have gone through three lead singers -- albeit all of them still relatively alive.
The reason being Halen have already used reunions with both David Lee Roth, very briefly, and Sammy Hagar to turn the spotlight on them when things dried up.
Now that they've been discarded, the only other choice is bring by that guy from Extreme -- hahahahahaha -- or lower themselves even further by whoring themselves on TV.
Faced with the two, which would you choose?
And fans who think that would be about as sad as it could get should check out this recent radio interview with Eddie Van Halen to see how much sadder it can be -- www.2dorks.com/junk/vanhalen1003/eddie.mp3
QUICK HITS:
Last week on SNL, Ashlee Simpson proved she could actually sing. Poorly, mind you, but it's all baby steps, dear ... On the subject of train wrecks, if you want to set fire to every Public Enemy record you own, watch Strange Love, the new "reality" show with Brigitte Nielsen and PE's Flavor Flav ... No concert rumours this week -- just love.
