To put it bluntly, it was the funniest opening five minutes we've ever seen from an awards-show host.
Russell Peters had pointed the suck-o-meter squarely at himself last night, but he stared it down and was fearlessly hilarious.
Any thoughts that the Canadian comedian would tone down his cutting-edge humour as host of the Juno Awards in Calgary quickly were lost in a barrel of oil. Make that several barrels of oil.
Looking at the striking background set that featured empty oil barrels, Peters began by saying, "I can't believe they have a post-apocalyptic theme up here -- 'We'll let a brown guy host, but the world has to end first.' "
Peters continued to poke fun at his own heritage when he said, "South Asians, my people, are now the largest visible minority in Canada. Do you know what that means, Calgary? Pretty soon your cowboys are going to be Indians."
Peters also wasn't shy about taking a shot at the stature of the Junos, or lack thereof.
"I never actually have seen the Junos before -- which makes me Canadian," he said.
Later, when addressing award-winner Feist, Peters said, "You got an iPod commercial, you did Saturday Night Live, you were on the Grammys and now you're here at the Junos -- well, you had a good run."
The idiosyncrasies of being a Canadian celebrity also were in Peters' firing line: "We've had so many successful Canadian acts, and you know they're successful because they don't live here any more. Do you think if I still lived here I'd be hosting these awards? Hell, no. 'Russell, stay in Brampton, it's okay.' "
Peters' edgiest line came when he said, "The Junos people have been treating me really well. They actually got me a driver -- Chad Kroeger."
Kroeger, who is in the band Nickelback, was convicted of drunk driving last week.
"They're going to have to change the name from Nickelback to Get Your Licence Back," Peters said.
Kroeger was not in attendance at the Pengrowth Saddledome. Or, if he was, the cameras couldn't find him.
Peters wasn't quite so bang-on as the Junos continued. He got a little marble-mouthed at times. And his DJ bit, which served an intro for Michael Buble, went on way too long.
But as we've said many times before, when you're hosting an awards show, it's all about the opening monologue. And Peters nailed it.
In a pre-Junos interview, Peters opined that previous versions of the awards show "kinda sucked" (notwithstanding his on-stage claim that he never had seen the Junos before). He's right about the sucking, of course. But statements like that always increase the scrutiny on one's own performance.
Ultimately, awards-show hosts can do only so much. If you don't like any of the acts involved, you won't like the show. Would it be fair to hold the play-by-play man responsible for a bad hockey game?
So if you like Feist, you probably loved the Junos last night. But regardless of your musical tastes, Russell Peters held up his end of the bargain by definitely not sucking.
CARPET BURNS
Someone commented to us during the Junos red-carpet coverage, "Canadians really need to get some colour in their fashion -- everyone's wearing black." Sure, it's colder in Calgary than it is in Hollywood, but still, fair point ... One factor in all red-carpet interviews: Once the fans start screaming their heads off for someone who is arriving off-camera, don't you instantly quit listening to the interview and desperately want to know who they're screaming for? And no one ever tells you! ... Did you see the look on Sass Jordan's face when she was trying to hand out some free tickets and someone rushed the barricade? Security personnel rushed in to restore order before it turned into a Gary Busey situation.
