Neil Peart (L), Carrie Underwood (C), and Jack White (R). (WENN.COM file photos)

"Get a haircut and get a real job!"

It's more than the title refrain to a George Thorogood classic -- it's something musicians have heard from parents for decades.

Thankfully, the artists who went on to fame and fortune didn't listen to Mom and Dad. But what if they had? Or what if they woke up tomorrow and had to get a regular gig like the rest of us? I put the question to performers of all stripes. Here are their answers -- the serious, the hilarious, the obvious and the outrageous.

And what about the man who made the song famous?

"What would I do?" growls the irrepressible Thorogood with a laugh. "Oh, man! What WOULDN'T I do?"

Some guys never grow up.

Carrie Underwood

"I would definitely work with animals somehow. I think i would open a huge animal shelter and pet boutique, and just run that and be happy. I just love animals. You know, I might do that someday anyhow!"

Steven Page

"I have a real passion for cooking. Whether I could really handle being in a restaurant kitchen, I don't know. But maybe I would be a cookbook writer."

Joe Satriani (Chickenfoot)

"Lord and master of the universe."

Neil Peart (Rush)

"One of the first things I wanted to be was a forest ranger, so I definitely would be interested in being a park ranger. I love the work they do. And one of my other earliest ambitions was to be a teacher -- either English or history. That would certainly work for me. Or advertising -- I love what gets done in advertising copy.

There's so much creativity there that I laugh out loud sometimes at good movie slogans. Really well-presented advertising is a world that creativity can thrive in. There's lot of interesting stuff to do. And of course, just before joining this band, I was in the farm equipment business. I was pretty good at that. My dad likes to joke that I would have made a good parts manager."

Alan Doyle (Great Big Sea)

"I'd go back to the job I had before this one. I used to work at the Newfoundland museum as a tour guide. I used to write and do tours for the brownies or the boy scouts. And I loved it. I thought it was awesome."

John Stirratt (Wilco)

"I'd like to get into designing boats. I like boats a lot. Unfortunately, I have no schooling in that at all. I don't have the science. So I would start with appliances and furniture or something and work my way up to boats."

Charles Kelley (Lady Antebellum)

"I'd be a ski instructor. I love skiing. I'm not great at it or anything, but to be able to get up every day and ski would be amazing."

Tim McGraw

"I'd probably coach -- football, baseball or basketball -- at the high school level. I've always sort of done that. I've been a ball player my whole life and coached kids. Even when I was playing high school ball, I was coaching little league. I coach my daughters' softball teams and basketball teams. I've always enjoyed that."

Jack White (White Stripes/Raconteurs/Dead Weather)

"I would go back to being an upholsterer. I rebuilt my shop last year. It was nice to put together my cutting table and set up my sewing machine. I worked on the studio I built. I upholstered some of the walls."

Jewel

"I wouldn't mind going back to school and studying journalism. And I've always really loved physics -- quantum physics is really just a fascinating area. It's something i would love to go back to school and study and be a professor of. It's something i read a lot about. It's just a field I find really fascinating -- more the conceptual physics than the mathematical proving of a theory. I find it very creative."

Benjamin Kowalewicz (Billy Talent)

"I'd get into radio. I'd love to have a talk-radio show. Just an open, hour-long show where people could talk about anything."

Jack Johnson

"If I could so something with animation, that would be pretty fun. I enjoy doodling and drawing, and I used to make little animation pieces as a film major in college."

Raine Maida (Our Lady Peace)

"My father is a builder, so a lot of my weekends between age 7 and 12 were spent driving around job sites to houses he was building. I got a great appreciation for building a house and architecture. I think that would be an easy way for me to go."

K.K. Downing (Judas Priest)

"I would really like to be a golf pro, a porn star -- or anything between."

Torquil Campbell (Stars)

"I guess I would have to go back to acting. But I would wait until I went completely bald. Then you can play lawyers and judges. Right now, I look more like a pedophile. And I don't really want to play those parts. So I'm going to wait until I can play judges -- parts where you can sit down. That's what i want."

Danko Jones

"I gotta get a real job? Jesus! I've never thought about it. I've never had a Plan B. Well, my dream job would be trust fund kid. If you can hire me to be your trust fund kid, I'd gladly accept."

Neil Finn (Crowded House)

"I'd grow flowers. They're amazing. I'm learning about them. I got asked very randomly to do flower reviews for a local radio station in Auckland. It was such an unusual request that I decided I would. Gardening, what a great thing to do -- get your hand in the soil every day."

Joel O'Keeffe (Airbourne)

"If someone said that to me, I'd just punch 'em out and keep on playing."

Fran Healey (Travis)

"I would be a photo retoucher. I'd like to get into filmmaking, but there's a lot of commitment there. So I think photo retoucher is my thing. I'm not bad at that."

Dan Auerbach (Black Keys)

"I would cut french fries at the Hamburger Station in Akron, Ohio. Because that's all I'm qualified to do."

darryl.sterdan@sunmedia.ca