The biggest whiners in music

Elton John, Madonna, Taylor Swift and John Mayer (Reuters, AFP, WENN.COM photos)

Elton John, Madonna, Taylor Swift and John Mayer (Reuters, AFP, WENN.COM photos)

Darryl Sterdan, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 4:11 PM ET

It's hard to believe, but Def Leppard still aren't getting enough sugar poured on them.

The pop-metal vets are the latest multi-millionaire rockers crying the blues over their sagging fortunes. According to singer Joe Elliott, the world's greatest nine-armed band are currently refusing to let their longtime label sell their music online or licence it for film -- and have begun recording new versions of hits like Rock of Ages and Pour Some Sugar on Me to sell on their own. The problem? Their label doesn't pay as much for a digital sale as a CD.

Does he have a valid point? Undoubtedly. Def Leppard aren't the first band to claim they've been shafted by their label, and won't be the last. Nor are they the only one Xeroxing their own back catalog to wrest it from the clutches of The Man. All the uncool kids are doing it -- Squeeze, ELO, you name it. Just this week, in fact, Loverboy issued a disc of retreads titled Rock Revival.

Even so, there is really only one objective and rational response to Elliott's complaints: Boo freaking hoo. Welcome to the new reality. Yes, the Internet killed everything. Now suck it up and go back on tour like everybody else. If there's one thing we don't need, it's more rich people whining about their lot.

To be fair, the Lep aren't alone in that regard either. Here are some other musical entities who don't know when to put a sock in it. We're currently playing the world's smallest violin for:

Elton John

Victim: Madonna.

Hey, I enjoy a good celebrity feud as much as the next person. But the Pillsbury Doughboy of pop is taking all the fun out of it with his near-obsessive mania about Madge. In his latest piece of bitchcraft, he dubbed her a "f---ing fairground stripper" whose career is over. Give it a rest, pal. You hate her; we get it. But at this point, you're just making Madonna look classy. Nice work.

Taylor Swift

Victim: Every ex-boyfriend.

Can someone please explain how T-Swizzy still gets dates? By now, every suitor must know that she's going to end up emasculating him in song -- much as she does in her tellingly titled new single We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together Again. Enough. Why can't she just cut her ex's head out of pictures, use his toothbrush on the toilet and date his friends like other women?

Lars Ulrich

Victim: Napster.

Back when Def Leppard were swilling champagne in their jet instead of perusing royalty statements, Metallica's drummer was whining about how those kids and their Interwebs were stealing the bespoke shirt off his massaged and tanned back. Thankfully, after alienating their fan base, he wised up and shut up. Too bad he couldn't get James Hetfield to follow suit in that documentary.

Record Labels

Victim: Piracy.

As everybody has heard, online file-sharing and piracy are killing music. Well, they're the latest things, anyway. Before that, of course, there was home taping. CD rentals. Used-record stores. And so on and so forth, back to the days when labels feared this newfangled thing called radio would destroy their business. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're after you, guys.

David Lowery

Victim: NPR intern.

Perhaps you saw the Cracker frontman's recent 3,300-word blog screed in response to an NPR intern's admission that she had 11,000 songs in her library but had only bought 15 CDs in her life. Seriously, dude, 3,300 words? If you put that much time, effort and content into Cracker albums, maybe you could convince her to shell out and add a 16th disc to her collection. Then again "

 


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