Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's mom. (WENN.com)

Who's your mama? Celebrity moms are everywhere from the sublime to the ridiculous this week, some making headlines for behaviour that would put a regular mom on speed-dial with the Children's Aid Society, others putting the rest of us to shame. You can sort out which is which.

After her interview with Dr. Phil on Monday, Dina Lohan was described as 'fidgety and erratic' or 'jittery and disoriented' by various news persons and 'drunk' by regular folk. We believe she had an allergic reaction to being condescended to and quizzed by sideshow barker Dr. Phil, but that's just one opinion. (The big laugh in the interview was Dr. Phil calling Dina Lohan "phoney and inauthentic," as if that distinguishes her from anyone else in his circle. But we digress.)

Far more alarming than Lohan's general demeanour was her resident status in the state of denial. She had a reason and an answer and a snappy comeback for any mention of her daughter Lindsay's problems: work issues, substance abuse, arrest record, etc. Poor little Lindsay is more sinned against than sinning, according to Mom, a victim of the merciless money-grubbing system and star-making machinery of Los Angeles. That part of the interview was truly tragic.

Lindsay Lohan may have inadvertently offered some insight into her mother's parenting style this week over her own exchange with drunk driving poster girl Amanda Bynes. Lohan, who has been through most of the mess Bynes is currently creating for herself, is in a unique position to offer her fellow actor some guidance.

What she did instead was whine on Twitter, "Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?"

That's right -- when it comes to Amanda Bynes' problems, it's really all about Lindsay.

At the other end of the mom scale we find Gwyneth Paltrow, taking a break from being the best-dressed woman in the world while simultaneously writing, acting, singing, cooking, blogging and filmmaking to mention that she only allows her children to watch television in French or Spanish. Her children are beautiful, polite and cultured, as you would expect. Paltrow is an inspiration to other moms everywhere; mostly, we suspect, she inspires them to put their head in the microwave. This might be an overreaction.

liz.braun@sunmedia.ca