|Rihanna and Chris Brown (Reuters files)
Oh, good news!
Chris Brown and Rihanna seem to have gone public with their renewed relationship, ending months of speculation that something was back on between the two.
They were together Saturday night in Beverly Hills at the Playhouse, where Brown was celebrating the launch of his new website, Qubeey. According to a breathless report from WENN, the two never left each other's side the whole night.
Furthermore, "Rihanna and Brown, who split in 2009 after a row over another girl, were caught on video getting cozy in a VIP booth at the party."
Oh, young love! Getting cozy in a VIP booth! It's so cute.
But, golly -- all must truly be forgiven if breaking up, "after a row over another girl," is the new media euphemism for "after he punched her face in."
Like you, gentle reader, we had sincerely hoped never again to have to think, question, speculate, read, write or otherwise engage in any way with details of the personal lives of either Rihanna or Chris Brown, but as both continue to release press releases and tweets about their endlessly fascinating selves, it appears to be unavoidable.
When he's not making drunken videos discussing the possibility of loving two women at once, Mr. Brown stays busy penning press statements about his romantic affairs.
In early October he released a statement officially announcing his break up with girlfriend, Karrueche Tran as follows: "I have decided to be single to focus on my career. I love Karrueche very much, but I don't want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I'd rather be single, allowing us to both be happy in our lives."
Brown's noble statement came after he'd been seen in public several times with Rihanna and was observed to be smooching her at New York club. What a guy.
Not long after that, he posted that oh-so-sincere video called The Real Chris Brown, in which he wondered out loud in his own innocent way if a person could love two people at once. "Not trying to be a player," claimed Brown in the video.
Oh, okay: predator, then? Is that the word?
On her side, RiRi threw her hat back in the ring when she told Oprah and Oprah's 8 trillion viewers last August that she still love Brown. "Absolutely I think he was the love of my life," is something else she said in the course of the same interview.
More recently, Rihanna has been tweeting from the Bible, using social media to talk about forgiveness. She has, for example, tweeted, "For if you forgive people their trespasses... your heavenly Father will also forgive you," which suggests either that she's trying to warm people up for Brown's return to her life or perhaps hoping to become a spiritual leader. Her chances for success at either look about equal.
Does it say anything in the Bible about being a doormat? Just wondering.
While Rihanna leans on everyone else's conscience to help pave the way to a reunion, Brown, curiously, continues to be reported out and about with Karrueche Tran, the woman he recently broke up with in public. Informed sources say the two are just friends.
Of course they are.
Does he hypnotize these women? Are they stupid?
This is all very confusing. Or it isn't, which makes Brown that unique individual who has actually had the experience of having his cake and eating it too.
Meanwhile, friends are hinting that Brown and Rihanna may be planning to elope any day now. Even Rihanna's dad has said Chris Brown is a super guy -- and whatever makes his daughter happy, you know.
So maybe these two will indeed ride off into the sunset together. And perhaps they'll keep riding until they are mere specks on the horizon. Far, far, far, away -- too far away to hear from. Or see. Or get tweeted by.
You get the general idea.