Mariah Carey, Black Keys, Coldplay top the spring/summer music preview

Darryl Sterdan, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 3:24 PM ET

What big albums are coming this spring/summer? Should you buy them? Will they suck? Glad you asked. Here's a chronological rundown:

The Afghan Whigs | Do to the Beast

WHAT IT IS: First album in 16 years from agent provocateur Greg Dulli and his dark-hearted alt-rockers.

WHO IT'S FOR: Outsiders, misanthropes and deviants.

GOES WITH: Black clothes, sunglasses at night, sexual fetishes.

WILL IT SUCK? Not if you're on the right drugs.

DUE: April 15.

Damon Albarn | Everyday Robots

WHAT IT IS: Solo debut from the Blur / Gorillaz / Good, the Bad & The Queen frontman.

WHO IT'S FOR: Anglophiles & music snobs.

GOES WITH: Beer in pints, multi-tasking, ADD.

WILL IT SUCK? If so, just listen to one of his 17 other projects.

DUE: April 29.

Pixies | Indie Cindy

WHAT IT IS: The mostly reunited alt-rockers' three recent EPs, compiled into their first disc in 23 years.

WHO IT'S FOR: People who didn't buy the EPs & Kim Deal haters.

GOES WITH: Male pattern baldness, midlife crises, cashing in on your past.

WILL IT SUCK? No worse than any other 30-year-old band's comeback.

DUE: April 29.

Lily Allen | Sheezus

WHAT IT IS: Long-overdue third album from the tart-tongued popster.

WHO IT'S FOR: Feminists.

GOES WITH: Stilleto heels, gin & tonic, cigarettes, swearing.

WILL IT SUCK? Only if you're a sexist pig.

DUE: May 6.

Mariah Carey | TBA

WHAT IT IS: Mimi's 14th collection of melismatic trilling, cooing and whispering.

WHO IT'S FOR: The Carey Nation.

GOES WITH: Lip-synching, lingerie, butterflies, designer scents.

WILL IT SUCK? Won't matter to her bizarrely loyal fans.

DUE: May 6.

Michael Jackson | Xscape

WHAT IT IS: Eight of Jacko's unreleased leftovers, contemporized with new production.

WHO IT'S FOR: People who still moonwalk.

GOES WITH: One sequined glove, plastic surgery, questionable behaviour around children.

WILL IT SUCK? Doesn't matter, as long as the suckers shell out.

DUE: May 13.

The Black Keys | Turn Blue

WHAT IT IS: More fuzzy thump 'n' wail from the blues-rock duo and producer Danger Mouse.

WHO IT'S FOR: Summer festival attendees.

GOES WITH: Overpriced beer, girlfriends on shoulders, backwards ball caps.

WILL IT SUCK? That would be a first.

DUE: May 13.

Coldplay | Ghost Stories

WHAT IT IS: A sixth batch of soaring arena-pop and romantic balladry from Chris Martin and co.

WHO IT'S FOR: Your mom and aunts.

GOES WITH: Male sensitivity, breakups, scented candles.

WILL IT SUCK? Depends which songs Martin's accused of ripping off this time.

DUE: May 20.

F--ed Up | Glass Boys

WHAT IT IS: Toronto punks' much-anticipated followup to 2011's rock opera David Comes to Life.

WHO IT'S FOR: Polaris Prize jurors.

GOES WITH: Circle pits, vegan food, thrift shop clothes.

WILL IT SUCK? If it does, no one will admit it.

DUE: June 3.

Miranda Lambert | Platinum

WHAT IT IS: Studio album No. 5 from the country spitfire.

WHO IT'S FOR: Ball-busters.

GOES WITH: Bourbon, shotguns, pickup trucks, domestic assault.

WILL IT SUCK? If it does, you tell her.

DUE: June 3.

Led Zeppelin | Reissues

WHAT IT IS: Remastered versions of the band's first three albums, plus live recordings, outtakes and unreleased tracks.

WHO IT'S FOR: Dads, dudes, bros & bikers.

GOES WITH: Muscle cars, air guitars, mullets, dragon pants.

WILL IT SUCK? Not nearly as much as getting another tie for Father's Day.

DUE: June 3.

Chrissie Hynde | Stockholm

WHAT IT IS: The Pretenders frontwoman's first solo album.

WHO IT'S FOR: Your dad.

GOES WITH: Mascara, leather pants, Telecasters, cougars.

WILL IT SUCK? Not if her voice has held up.

DUE: June 10.

Jack White | Lazaretto

WHAT IT IS: Second solo album from the White Stripes / Raconteurs / Dead Weather guitarist and entrepreneur.

WHO IT'S FOR: People who still think White isn't in enough bands.

GOES WITH: Collecting vinyl, colour co-ordinated outfits, being enigmatic.

WILL IT SUCK? You suck just for asking.

DUE: June 10.

Neil Young | A Letter Home

WHAT IT IS: An album made in Jack White's Voice-o-Graph recording booth.

WHO IT'S FOR: Hippies and hipsters.

GOES WITH: Gramophones, nostalgia, fringes, hypocrisy.

WILL IT SUCK? Only if you shelled out to hear it on a Pono.

DUE: "Pretty soon," according to Young.

Morrissey | World Peace is None of Your Business

WHAT IT IS: Mozzer's 10th album -- and first in five years.

WHO IT'S FOR: People who miss the '80s unironically.

GOES WITH: Swooning, bitchiness, man-boobs, celibacy.

WILL IT SUCK? Only if you're still waiting for that Smiths reunion.

DUE: Late June or early July.

ALSO ON THE WAY:

April 8

Black Label Society | Catacombs of the Black Vatican

Carlene Carter | Carter Girl

Emm Gryner | Torrential

Martina McBride | Everlasting

Joan Osborne | Love and Hate

Linda Ronstadt | Duets

April 15

Ian Anderson | Homo Erraticus

The Both (Aimee Mann & Ted Leo) | The Both

Jack Bruce | Silver Rails

Marshall Crenshaw | Red Wine

Rodney Crowell | Tarpaper Sky

Jason Derulo | Talk Dirty

Ziggy Marley | Fly Rasta

Nas | Illmatic XX

Rush | Rush: reDISCovered LP Box

The Secret Sisters | Put Your Needle Down

Shonen Knife | Overdrive

Marty Stuart | The Gospel Music of Marty Stuart

April 22

Iggy Azalea | New Classic

Eels | Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett

G. Love & Special Sauce | Sugar

Kelis | FOOD

Neon Trees | Pop Psychology

The Whigs | Modern Creation

Winger | Better Days Comin'

XTC | Skylarking: Corrected Polarity Edition

April 29

Brody Dalle | Diploid Love

Edguy | Space Police: Defenders of the Crown

Old 97"²s | Most Messed Up

Pink Mountaintops | Get Back

Chris Robinson Brotherhood | Phosphorescent Harvest

Rodrigo y Gabriela | 9 Dead Alive

Saliva | Rise Up

The String Cheese Incident | Song In My Head

Chad VanGaalen | Shrink Dust

Ben Watt (of Everything But the Girl) | Hendra

Yanni | Inspirato

May 6

Atmosphere | Southsiders

Chris Brown | X

Eno "¢ Hyde | Someday World

Liam Finn | The Nihilist

Hunter Hayes | Storyline

The Horrors | Luminous

Ray LaMontagne | Supernova

Maxïmo Park | Too Much Information

Sarah McLachlan | Shine On

Natalie Merchant | Natalie Merchant

Santana | Corazón

Michael Stanley | The Job

tUnE-yArDs | Nikki Nack

Dionne Warwick | Feels So Good

May 13

Tori Amos | Unrepentant Geraldines

Joseph Arthur | Lou

Chromeo | White Women

Down | Down IV Part 2

Major Lazer | Apocalypse Soon

Mushroomhead | The Righteous & The Butterfly

Dolly Parton | Blue Smoke

Prong | Ruining Lives

War | Evolutionary

May 20

Afrojack | Forget the World

Deep Purple | Made in Japan 40th Anniversary Edition

Billy Joel | A Matter of Trust: The Bridge To Russia

Conor Oberst Upside Down Mountain

Roy Orbison | Mystery Girl Expanded

Neal Schon | So U

Yann Tiersen | ˆ 7/8 (Infinity)

May 27

Seun Kuti & Egypt 80 | A Long Way to the Beginning

moe. | No Guts, No Glory

Sharon Van Etten | Are We There

June 3

50 Cent | Animal Ambition

Echo and the Bunnymen | Meteorites

Matisyahu | Akeda

Soundgarden | Superunknown: Deluxe Edition

Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band | Going Home

June 10

Rancid | Honor Is All We Know

Michelle Williams | Journey to Freedom

June 17

Jennifer Lopez | TBA

June 24

Ace Frehley | Space Invader

July 8

Yes | Heaven and Earth

TBA

the Cure | 4:14 Scream

Puff Daddy | MMM

Adele | TBA

Limp Bizkit | Stampede of the Disco Elephants

Tom Petty | Hypnotic Eye

U2 | TBA

Wu-Tang Clan | A Better Tomorrow


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