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Jann Arden isn't doing any interviews? Who does she think she is, Joni Mitchell?
Well, she doesn't need the press. Arden plays tonight through Friday at the Winspear Centre. Three nights at the concert hall, tickets are "selling fast."
She could almost do a concert bowl at Rexall, but that wouldn't be intimate and Jann Arden is nothing if not intimate. Besides, she's talked enough for a while - about her new album, her books, her life, her role in The Vagina Monologues.
Let her music speak for itself. There are few performers who can bring their audience to tears - of both laughter and sadness, of both wit and wisdom. Can you tell the difference? Take this test: Which of the following are Arden song lyrics and which are Arden quips? Answers below:
1. "The hardest part of goodbye is moving all your stuff. Hey, what's the name of that one guy? I sure could use his pickup truck."
2: "I wear tube tops, but generally I have to wear them around my waist because that's where my breasts are now."
3. "Tore the rear-view mirror down, wrapped it in my wedding gown."
Wants a nice choir
4: "I don't care if you burn me or bury me whole, but I want a nice choir."
5: "Sexual atrocities are happening right over me and I can't see."
6: "I've eaten 17,000 Wagon Wheels in my life."
7: "Keep a smile on your face because you'll be gone before you know it."
8: "I can sit in a room. I can hear myself breathing and be quite amused."
9: "I met Celine Dion at the Junos, but I couldn't see her because she was turned to the side."
10: "As Miss London I vow to eat as much meat as I can."
11: "Russ just had a baby. It's weird because we all totally thought he was gay."
12: "The guy beside me is going to drive me crazy talking about his children like that."
13: "Love is a drink with a lit cigarette."
14: "Don't know why a broken heart can hurt you more than having your hand cut off."
15: "It's amazing what comes your way when you can speak English and look presentable."
16: "All of the other divas were pregnant or out of the country, so I was the only possible choice."
Sorry about Happy
17: "I'm gonna call my next record Sorry. And they're going to ask why I called it Sorry and I'm going to say I'm f---ing sorry about naming my last one Happy."
18: "Frozen broken-hearted me, haunted, wanted memories, all of them gone now I'm on my own."
19: "The sound of the wind through my bones makes me laugh."
20:, "You'll read a lot of books of who slept with who, who's breaking up, who's in rehab this week. My life is not that interesting."
21: "I know you've had it up to there with all my chaos and confusion. I am living a delusion and I do not give a damn."
22: "It took me this long to like this version of me. God only knows what another version of me would do."
23: "Who else do you know who goes to Costco with a gurney to buy feminine protection?"
24: "You guys look like little constellations. I see Uranus."
25: "Love ended hope, love stopped the show, love broke it all, love broke my heart."
26: "I got dumped. I am now living my own songs."
ANSWERS: 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 12, 13, 14, 18, 19, 21 and 25 are song lyrics. The rest are quips.
SCORING: 26: Ardent Jann Fann; 22-26: Junior Jannketeer; 21 and below: Perhaps Gwen Stefani would be more to your liking.
As mentioned, tickets are "selling fast" for Jann's three-nighter at the Winspear Centre. Call 428-1414 for details.