Now that Mariah Carey's gearing up for the release of her new album The Emancipation of Mimi -- in stores Tuesday -- it's time to start cranking up the crazy machine.

In fact, the diva's already started. First on the list are comments she made when she was asked by a London website Femalefirst recently about her ex-husband, music mogul Tommy Mottola, who made her a star and then, eventually, made her go wiggy.

So wiggy, was she, that her cries of "Calgon -- take me away!" were soon replaced by "al-Qaida -- take me away!"

"I was totally trapped," Carey was quoted as saying, before offering up perhaps the best reason a young woman could possibly think of for entering into holy matrimony.

"I got married because he was so overprotective I thought if we got married he would lighten up. I was so wrong.

"He was in control of every aspect of my life. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping.

"I used to wish someone would come and kidnap me, get me out of there."

Or ... um, I guess she could have just, I dunno, left.

No word on who she hoped would free her from her own personal hell, but other comments Carey made to the UK media would indicate a couple of likely candidates to be the Easter Bunny and/or the Tooth Fairy.

It appears that Ms. Mariah still thinks St. Nick slips down her chimney annually -- or at the very least, a guy who says he's Santa. "I still believe in Santa Claus and I'm whimsical," she says, apparently confusing the word "whimsical" with the word "insane."

"I can be professional, but really I'm much more like my dog.

"He's a kid and so am I."

The dog -- a jack russell we'll presume is named Glitter -- does apparently differ from Carey in one way though.

"He gets frightened of crowds of people. He gets delusional," she says.

"I may believe in Santa, but I'm not delusional."

Riiiight -- so I guess that means she doesn't actually plan on selling any records this time out. Carey then added that all other future queries should be directed to her new manager, Big Foot.

***

Tool of the Lord?

It must be something in the holy water.

Hot on the heels of a member of Korn finding religion comes word that Maynard James Keenan, frontman for art metal act Tool has rediscovered Jesus.

The news shocked fans -- until they realized what day it was.

In a well-executed April Fool's Day prank, the band released on its website word that Keenan had found Jesus and the future of the band was in doubt.

A couple of days later, another posting put everyone at ease.

"As it turns out, Maynard was out 'location scouting' near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he 'found Jesus.' " the posting says.

" 'Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look,' Maynard reported."

Quick hits:

Some parting Juno thoughts and shots: Who says the Canadian music industry is five years behind the times? The Juno edition of the official magazine of the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (CARAS), which featured all of the events surrounding last weekend's big event, arrived in my mailbox Monday -- the day after the awards ... By the way, I've said it once, I'll say it again, if the musicians of this country don't even care enough about the Junos to even attend, why should we be expected to take them seriously ... In a recent interview with the Sun, Jann Arden admitted one of her highlights of the Junos was getting flipped off by the boys in Sum 41. Apparently, during the untelevised Saturday night awards, which she hosted, Arden made a crack about one of them wearing clown pants. Who ever would have thought we'd be telling a band that made its name through infantile poo-poo, ca-ca behaviour to lighten the hell up? ... The year of metal continues: Sun sources tell us that the newly reunited Judas Priest will be touring Canada this summer and a mid-July local date is expected. No word yet on whether or not it will be part of the double-bill tour featuring the Scorpions which is hitting other markets. Stay tuned for more information.