When Mariah Carey shimmies onto the Saddledome stage Monday, few will recall the teetering, twittering diva doling out popsicles and stripping as a stupefied Carson Daly gawked on in disbelief.
But at the time, a mere five years ago, the meltdown on MTV's Total Request Live -- after which she was hospitalized for extreme cleavage, er, sorry "exhaustion" -- had all the makings of a spectacularly ungraceful swan song to an until-then gold-plated career.
"I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows," she told Daly.
Yes, Mariah, don't we all. But coming off her notorious flop Glitter, there would be few days of ice creams and rainbows ahead for the free-falling superstar. The following year, Virgin Records bought out her contract for a reported $28 million US. And her follow-up album Charmbracelet was appropriately charmless.
Given this, few would have foreseen that, with the release of 2005's The Emancipation of Mimi, Carey would find herself once again catapulted to Grammy-grabbin' chart-topping heights.
Carey had survived choppy waters before, of course -- notably her marriage and divorce to Sony boss Tommy Mottola, which in turn led to her transformative Butterfly album on which she first dipped daintily into urban hip-hop sounds.
But with Mimi, she proved there's hope even for the most-beleaguered of stars (cue Lindsay Lohan) to wipe the slate clean and start anew on the cycle of celebrity. Comeback glory is only a few key self-help steps away.
Disappear
Absence makes the heart grow fonder after you've mixed popsicles and stripping -- two great tastes that should never go together. Wisely, after the hyper-publicized meltdown suffered by the songstress and her breasts, she did what every celebrity needs to do after skydiving off the deep end. She went away.
Don't stretch
Carey's career rocketed off the rails shortly after she ventured onto the big screen with Glitter, a movie so bad it was like porn without the nudity. The result? It plunged faster than one of her necklines. With The Emancipation Of Mimi, Carey wasn't attempting anything new or inventive. Rather, the New Mariah was very much the Old Mariah -- albeit with considerably more jiggle and junk -- retrenching herself as pop's reigning diva in the face of such whippersnappers as Kelly Clarkson.
Keep your private life private
Although Carey has been romantically linked at one time or another -- falsely or not -- to everyone from Eminem to Vin Diesel, she has managed to avoid a Bennifer-sized debacle, although one wonders what name would have been granted to either union. Miminem? Viniah?
Don't marry Bobby Brown
No one should really have to be told this, of course. But then, that's probably what Whitney Houston's family said to themselves 15 years ago.
Remember you're a star
Stars are North America's royalty, of course. No princes or kings here, just movie and rock stars. So while, yes, everyone loves to see celebrities without make-up or grovelling for redemption (get ready for your close-up, Mel Gibson), they also like to see them behave in such a way that justifies their extravagant lifestyles. Unlike, say, Britney Spears, Carey's wealth fits her as snugly as the teensy-weensy, diamond-studded Underoos she shrink-wraps her voluminous self in.
Know people are fickle
And that, as much as they'll love to see you comeback, they'll also enjoy seeing you shredded -- hence, recent stories deriding Carey's choice of concert wardrobe (black bra and cape, apparently) and questioning her popularity considering sluggish sales in some U.S. and Canadian markets. What Carey knows through experience is that all she has to do is last for a couple more years. By then, it'll be just about time for a comeback.
