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Eagles
Long Road Out of Eden
(Polydor)
Roots-rock comedian Mojo Nixon was right: Don Henley must die.
OK, not literally. But he and the rest of The Eagles definitely deserve a smack upside the collective head for their comeback set Long Road Out of Eden.
It's bad enough that the poster boys for '70s rock excess took 28 years to follow up their last studio album -- and then reportedly spent six years making this bloated effort, which has 20 songs spread across two CDs. It doesn't help that two of the tracks are over seven minutes long, and one -- the epic title cut -- tops the 10-minute mark.
Enticing as all that sounds, the music isn't the big problem. Most of the tunes are actually tolerable, assuming you want to hear the country-tinged California rockers -- now consisting of Henley, Glenn Frey, Timothy B. Schmidt and Joe Walsh -- pick up right where they left off a generation ago, right down to the cheesy synthesizers.
No, the real kicker is that the increasingly cranky multi-millionaire Henley spends much of his mic time haranguing people about the evils of greed and consumerism -- on an album that you can only buy at controversial corporate behemoth Wal-Mart.
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Attention, shoppers: We've got a special on rock-star hypocrisy in Aisle 12.
Disc 1
No More Walks in the Wood 2:00
Mixing art and politics, the guys make like the world's oldest boy band, harmonizing an ode to a forest where "the trees have all been cut down." To build a Wal-Mart, perhaps?
How Long 3:15
If this breezy country-rocker by J.D. Souther sounds like a '70s leftover, that's because it is. And because it's also a throwback to Take it Easy, it's one of the CD's standout tracks.
Busy Being Fabulous 4:20
This groovy little piece of brokenhearted country-soul is accessorized with rich doo-woppy harmonies and a catchy chorus.
What Do I Do With My Heart 3:54
Another piece of rich blue-eyed country-soul, this Frey-fronted number is reminiscent of The Best of My Love or Tequila Sunrise.
Guilty of the Crime 3:43
Walsh reworks a bluesy barrelhouse rocker by his old pal Frankie Miller. Bonus points for the fierce slide solo.
I Don't Want to Hear Anymore 4:21
Schmidt sounds like Michael Jackson -- and channels I Can't Tell You Why -- on this jangly pop number from Brit tunesmith Paul Carrack.
Waiting in the Weeds 7:46
This lush piano-and-acoustic guitar ballad is about a yearning lover biding his time. It's nice and all -- but does he have to bide it for seven long minutes?
No More Cloudy Days 3:50
Frey takes the helm for a gently airbrushed bit of adult-pop -- complete with sax solo -- that falls somewhere between Paul McCartney, Bruce Hornsby and Dire Straits.
Fast Company 3:59
Anchored by a sparse funk groove with stabbing guitars, some punchy brass and falsetto vocals from Henley, this number reminds us of Dirty Laundry or Life in the Fast Lane.
Do Something 5:09
We presume that's Schmidt again, taking point on a teenpoppy ballad. The lush chorus harmonies save it from terminal shmaltz.
You Are Not Alone 2:24
More acoustic guitars, more sensitive-guy vocals, more understated drumming -- it all kinda sounds like a James Taylor leftover. Very skippable.
Disc 2
Long Road Out of Eden 10:17
The set's epic centrepiece is a dirge-like, slow-burning rocker that finds Hedley railing against the Iraq war and U.S. imperialism. If this were a Zep song, it would be No Quarter.
I Dreamed There Was No War 1:38
A soundtracky vignette of rich keyboards, this instrumental is a bit of a breather after that heavy-handed title cut.
Somebody 4:09
Jack Tempchin -- who wrote Peaceful Easy Feeling and Already Gone -- co-penned this lightly gritty roots-rocker that blends low-neck guitar growls and jangly melodies.
Frail Grasp on the Big Picture 5:46
Another one of Henley's white-boy funk-rockers. Of course, Don can't resist insulting us with his condescending lyrics. The digs at religion should go over big with the Wal-Mart crowd.
Last Good Time in Town 7:07
Ever since Walsh sobered up, all his songs are about being on the wagon. At least this one has a Steely Dan-ish melody and a laid-back Latin groove midway between Santana and War.
I Love to Watch a Woman Dance 3:16
Flecked with mandolin, this vaguely Celtic waltz has a romantic streak reminiscent of Warren Zevon and Jackson Browne.
Business as Usual 5:31
Henley bites the hand that feeds him, bitching about how "we worship at the marketplace while common sense is going out of style." Thankfully Walsh peels off a blistering solo to distract us from what an insufferable blowhard Don is.
Center of the Universe 3:42
With its moody guitars and clave clicks, this romantic ballad almost feels like an outtake from Hotel California. Amazingly, it's not an ode from Henley to himself.
It's Your World Now 4:22
It's a tequila sunset as Frey leads the band south of the border for a slice of Marty Robbins-style Mexicali balladry, complete with woozy horns and strummy guitars.