'N-uff is 'N-uff. Eighteen hundred screaming pre-pubescent girls crammed into the Congress Centre last night to hear themselves scream. Oh, and to see the newest kids on the block, 'N Synch.
***
"Listen up, ladies," yells an extremely large security officer. "You are squeezing people at the barricade. On the count of three, just back up. One ... Two ... Three." The crowd squeals in glee, but does not move back.
***
The crowd is screaming. Every time a sound technician does a microphone check, they scream louder. Then Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit comes over the speakers. A recipe for trouble? The crowd, too young to remember Grunge, merely share confused looks as Curt Cobain's tortured cries about youth apathy fill the air. "Here we are now, entertain us." The girls settle down.
***
'N Synch share the same manager, hometown, label, producer, etc. with the Backstreet Boys.
They have, essentially, two songs in their repertoire.
The fast one involves R&B-lite rhythms and hip-pop beats. It also involves the five singers (Justin, Joey, Chris, Lansten and JC) doing circa-1987 New Kids On The Block-style breakdancing (though presumably not as in-synch as their choreographer would have liked).
The slow one involves R&B-lite rhythms and the five boys swaying back and forth. During one of those, I witnessed a girl stumble out through the doorway, one hand on her stomach and the other over her mouth. Her friend rushed her to the bathroom. I empathized.
The fast song (their #1 hit, I Want You Back) is preferable. The crowd gets to leap up and down, do that "raise the roof" hand thing (like the Arsenio Hall "woof" but worse) and leap up and down some more.
'N Synch's appeal, as far as I can tell, is the sassy yet non-threatening sexual personas these boys assume.
For instance, at one point they told the crowd "there's one thing guys can give you that nobody else can give you ... love." Awww, what a cute way to stimulate budding hormones.
'N Synch (and their opening act, N-Tyce, who really, really, really wannabe Spice) is bubblegum pop.
But not the fun tasty "Mmm...bop" bubblicious kind. They are the bubblegum that comes with a pack of hockey cards.
It initially looks pink and promising, but quickly becomes utterly tasteless.
JAM! Rating: 2 out of 5
