Right off the bat, Ozzy Osbourne didn't bite the head off a dead bat or a live dove at his Molson Amphitheatre show last night.

Now if you think that line's old, you should've seen the Big Double O who's on his Retirement Sucks Tour. Remember 91's No More Tours Tour? Apparently, the joke was on us.

Tottering across the stage like a senile old man, or waving his hands feebly above his head encouraging the mostly male gathering to "make some noise," the 47-year-old cut quite the pathetic sight.

As the person next to me joked, "With a heavy metal show starting while the sun's still up and watching Ozzy on stage, you could be forgiven for thinking you're at a geriatric Lollapalooza."

Of course, this didn't matter to the pioneering heavy metal singer's fans who packed the shed by the lake. He could've just stood on stage for an hour and a half and they would've told you they got their $42.50 worth.

In fact, Osbourne led the crowd through a spirited "F-- you!" which was directed at "people who've said a lot of f-- s-- about me over the years."

The devotees knew they were in for a wailing good time when the godfather of heavy metal kicked off the proceedings with Black Sabbath's Paranoia.

For the next 90 minutes, Osbourne howled through tracks from his 11 solo albums as well as Black Sabbath classics like Iron Man and Sweet Leaf.

Powerhouse drummer Michael Bordin, guitarist Joe Holmes, and bassist Robert Trujillo were as tight as a ring on a fat man's finger and, unlike their contemporaries in the genre, never resorted to histrionics to impress.

They were on-point throughout the night, letting loose thunderous, muscular riffs and veered as close to grunge as a heavy metal act is likely to get.

It was ironic that the trio was the real treat of the night, in particular with their 10-minute jam in the middle of Osbourne's calling card, Crazy Train.

Now some in attendance might disagree, pointing to the three occasions when some euphoric women bared their breasts. A wily cameraman captured these Kodak moments and promptly flashed them on the giant video screens.

Do you know where your daughter was last night?

SUN RATING: THREE STARS