We'll tell you what the state of "heavy metal" is - it's dented.
Nothing that couldn't be repaired, thank goodness, but Lord Stanley would not have been amused.
You may remember the story: The 108-year-old Stanley Cup was damaged two years ago during a wild party in Texas, of all places. Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul recalls the victory bash he hosted for his pals the Dallas Stars. They'd won it in six, rallied by a fight song he wrote called The Dallas Stars Theme Song. No sense in getting fancy. It worked - a testament to the rallying power of heavy metal.
There was much rejoicing.
"We had a little party over at my house after they won the Cup," Paul says. "They felt my song helped propel them to win, so they brought it over to my house. The entire team came, and at one point, Guy Carbonneau decided he wanted to toss the Cup off the balcony into the pool."
The shot went wide. "It went DINK! on the side before it went in. That's how the infamous dent got in the Cup. It just knocked it out of round, kind of made it more oval down at the bottom," he laughs.
There was a brief uproar, but the Cup-keeper soon hammered it back in shape and all was well.
Do not expect to hear The Dallas Stars Theme Song when Pantera performs Monday night at the AgriCom. There will be some Oilers in the crowd, says Paul, who's tight with several players on the team.
I suppose we ought to talk about music at some point here, although the drummer even talks like a hockey player. As the guy in the band who does most of the interviews, Paul serves up quotes of the "we-came-to-play-today" variety. In a way, a heavy metal band is just like a hockey team - except Pantera scores every night.
The band is touring in support of its latest album, Reinventing the Steel, "the best record we've ever made," Paul says.
It's the band's first studio album in four years, a delay explained by the fact that Ozzy Osbourne called to say he was getting Black Sabbath back together and would be delighted to have Pantera open the tour. They couldn't say no. Black Sabbath was the reason Pantera got into heavy metal, just as Pantera inspires the young headbangers of today.
"Music is just like a big chain that keeps following itself," Paul says.
There's a simple secret to Pantera's success as road warriors for the last 12 years - "Drink all the f---ing water you can!" Yes, but something else, too. Featuring vocalist Philip Anselmo, guitarist Dimebag Darrell and bassist Rex Brown, Pantera is a band more concerned with live shows than selling albums. It seems so rare these days.
"We've never been a band that has had major mainstream radio," Paul says. "You don't see us on music television very often. Playing live is what we're all about. When we write songs, we're thinking about how it's going to move the audience. We're proud of the fact that we've been able to do what we do the way we do it without having to conform to whatever the trend is.
"These rap metal bands that are going to sell four million records, two years from now there's going to be another trend and their career is over.
"We're really happy about the way we did it. We don't get as much notoriety, but to me, we're like the Black Sabbath of this decade. Our fans are always there for us."
In other words, they play to win.
This is, by the way, Pantera's Edmonton debut.
"It's going to be a blast, man," Paul says. "It's our first time and we're going to blow the roof off the place."
Just don't damage any Oilers relics at Northlands or there'll be hell to pay.