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OTTAWA - Mom said it's rude to stare, but what are you supposed to do when Britney Spears descends from the rafters and rips off her red circus jacket to reveal a glittering bra and bare midriff?
For the next two hours, all 17,500 sets of eyes at Scotiabank Place last night were fixed on her. The stage set up, three large bull's-eyes in the middle of the arena, made her easy to see from every angle.
And if you looked away for a second, chances are you'd see someone who resembled her.
Like, OMG, never before have I felt so old and overdressed. Me in jeans and a T-shirt, and nearly everyone else -- average age about 22 and 90% female -- in skimpy shorts and tank tops. Even some of the men. (It was, after all, the unofficial kick-off to Gay Pride Week.)
A few gum-chewing gals were even dressed in Britney's signature schoolgirl outfit from her Baby One More Time video.
Right then, I should have texted my BFF for a change of clothes, but Fridays are his bowling night.
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So instead, I popped in a stick of Dentyne, and tried not to look like a pervert.
Call her what you want: Lip-syncher, pop tart, train wreck, whatever. Spears knows how to entertain a crowd.
Especially when she brings the Circus to town.
What's she going to do next? Kiss the clown? Marry the midget? Grope the trapeze artist?
What will she do when she sings Get Naked?
Cover your ears if you want, but don't blink. The frantic pace never let up.
To be honest, Spears might have been the least talented person performing on stage last night. The dancers and gymnasts were spectacular.
But it didn't matter. They aren't Britney Spears. They weren't the ones gyrating in a gold cage.
And they weren't the ones singing. But then again, neither was Spears. She appeared to be lip-synching on at least a few songs, including the opener, Circus.
But it was clearly Spears speaking when she addressed the crowd with the predictable "What's up Ottawa? How you feelin'?"
She's not the only musician guilty of that. Can't they come up with something more original?
Britney again asked us "What's up?" about 20 minutes later.
Well, since you asked twice, I'm watching this incredibly sexually charged circus show, trying to figure out if you're actually singing the songs.
And since nobody else seems to care, neither do I.