It was only a matter of time -- but honestly, I'm amazed it took so long.
Two weeks ago, Taylor Swift finally cemented her status as the queen of country-pop by winning four Grammys, including album of the year. For someone who has sold as many CDs as she has, it was inevitable.
Equally inevitable: The backlash. Thanks primarily to her stunningly tone-deaf Grammy performance, Swift ended up being the big story on Grammy night -- but not in the way she had wished. Critical opinion of her three-song mini-set -- which included a mercifully brief duet with Stevie Nicks on Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon -- ranged from the somewhat diplomatic "painfully out of tune" to the slightly more pointed "off-key caterwauling." Even my e-mail in-box was swiftly stuffed with missives from coworkers, friends and readers using terms like "wretched," "gawdawful" and "couldn't carry a tune in a bucket." And the comments in the Twitterverse were even nastier (my favourite: "God hopes Taylor Swift does not thank Him").
But for those who just noticed Swift leaves something to be desired as a live singer, I have one question: Where have you been?
Guess you weren't watching when she butchered Brenda Lee's I'm Sorry on last year's Grammy nominations concert (and yeah, she oughta be sorry). Presumably, you missed all the sour notes she spewed atop Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me during their duet at last summer's CMT Music Awards. And there's plenty more where they came from; if you're a glutton for punishment, scour YouTube and you can find ample proof that while Swift may be pretty, personable and a passable dancer, she is hardly the most skilled vocalist.
Amazingly, even her record label agrees with the last part of that assessment.
"Maybe she's not the best technical singer," admitted Big Machine CEO Scott Borchetta, blaming Swift's performance (this time) on technical problems, "but she's probably the best emotional singer ... the undisputed best communicator that we've got. When she says something, when she sings something, when she feels something, it affects more people than anybody else."
He didn't stop there: "She is the voice of this generation," he claimed. That's right: Taylor Swift is today's Bob Dylan.
And you know what? Ludicrous as that statement sounds, he's absolutely right. Swift truly is the voice of this generation -- a generation of coddled kids who believe fame and fortune are their birthright, talent and originality are not required, and paying your dues is for losers who are too ugly to get on reality TV.
Of course, Swift is hardly the worst musical offender of Generation Y Not Me 2. Or the first poor singer to inflict herself on the pop-culture landscape. From the drowning-sackful-of-cats wailing of Yoko Ono (fast forward to the 1:40 mark if you dare) to the homeless-hobo rumblings of Tom Waits, there are plenty of famous folks, legitimate artists and even true geniuses out there whose vocal chops wouldn't make it past the first round on Idol. With that in mind, and because people love snarky lists, here's a roundup of some of the most melody-challenged singers of today -- and all time.
Got a beef with Darryl's list? Agree with him? Sound off HERE!
10: The Disney / Idol / Reality TV hordes
Ashley and Heidi and Bo and Zac and Hilary and Vanessa and Serena -- for the most part, I can't tell them apart. Nor am I even vaguely interested in doing so. Life is too short, you know?
9. Justin Bieber
Sure, the kid is just 15. But here's the thing: He sounds like it. He may have potential. But right now, he's just a goofy hairstyle and a marketing scheme.
8. Lil Wayne
A great rapper? Indisputably. But as a singer -- especially on his mediocre new "rock" CD Rebirth -- Wayne singlehandedly justifies the existence of AutoTune.
7. Paris Hilton
The biggest surprise about how lousy Paris Hilton's album was? The fact that she didn't just hire somebody far more talented to sing for her.
6. Ashlee Simpson
Actually, who knows? Maybe the young Simspon can wail like Celine Dion. But ever since she got busted lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live, nobody would believe her anyway.
Got a beef with Darryl's list? Agree with him? Sound off HERE!
5. Britney Spears
Like Madonna, Brit-Brit has done pretty well with a minimum of vocal talent. But when you choose to lip-synch live so you can pull off dance moves, you're just not a singer.
4. Madonna
Give her credit: She's taken a meagre amount of ability and parlayed it into an empire. But seriously, nobody is going to mistake her for Beyonce anytime soon.
3. Anthony Kiedis
The Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman is truly a triple threat: He can barely hold a note, he's a terrible rapper and his lyrics are rhyming-dictionary gobbledygook.
2. Chad Kroeger
Nickelback's frontman may not have invented that post-grunge moose-in-heat bellow he relies on, but nobody does it better than he does. And by better, I mean worse.
1. Taylor Swift
She's sold millions of albums. She's won four Grammys. She's dated a Jonas brother and a Twilight star. The one thing this 20-year-old superstar can't seem to do is sing live.
The Best of the Worst:
WTF? Sometimes, you have to wonder what people are thinking.
The B-52's
Bjork
Wild Man Fischer
Nina Hagen
William Hung
Jandek
Florence Foster Jenkins
Yoko Ono
Sanjaya
Tiny Tim
Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Shame:
Most of them are getting older, but not much better.
Randy Bachman
Billy Corgan
Jennifer Lopez
Courtney Love
Linda McCartney
Shane MacGowan
Iggy Pop
Axl Rose
Spice Girls
Ringo Starr
Personality Goes a Long Way:
These folks can't really sing -- but it doesn't really matter. They're still great.
Captain Beefheart
Kurt Cobain
Bob Dylan
Marianne Faithfull
Billie Holiday
Janis Joplin
Keith Richards
Patti Smith
Tom Waits
Neil Young
Radio Killed the Video Star:
TV and movie folk who should have known better.
Phyllis Diller
Lorne Greene
Goldie Hawn
Leonard Nimoy
Jack Palance
Joe Pesci
Regis Philbin
William Shatner
Jack Webb
Mae West
All lists in alphabetical order.
Got a beef with Darryl's list? Agree with him? Sound off HERE!
