What with all the recent talk about prodigal son Neil Young's impending homecoming, it's easy to overlook the fact that another celebrated Neil is also on his way.
That would be Neil Diamond, of course -- the raspy, rhinestoned, self-described "Jewish Elvis" who'll bring soccer moms to their knees when he hits MTS Centre this Sunday.
But wait! -- you're probably thinking -- Isn't Neil Diamond, with his schmaltzy ballads and bedazzled collars, like, totally lame?
Whereas Neil Young -- with his street-person sideburns and folksy fundraisers -- is the epitome of rock 'n' roll cool?
Well, not really. Sure, the two Neils occupy different spots on the musical spectrum (not opposite, mind you -- just different). But one doesn't necessarily have to be better than the other, as the following point-by-point comparison will hopefully prove.
Argument 1
Young paid his dues; first as a fledgling garage-rocker in Winnipeg, then with the rest of the folkies in L.A.'s Laurel Canyon scene.
Rebuttal
Diamond also paid his dues -- albeit as a songwriter-- at New York's Brill Building, the source of some of the most enduring pop songs ever recorded. Though his first stabs at solo success fell flat, he quickly rebounded when The Monkees scored a hit with his tune I'm a Believer. A string of similar successes spawned his own deal, not to mention hits like Solitary Man, Cherry Cherry and Kentucky Woman.
Argument 2
Young's songs are better. His body of work speaks for itself.
Rebuttal
So does Diamond's. Sure, you're a lot less likely to hear one of his songs blaring from a rock radio station or a bong-soaked dorm. But there's no denying the genius of the aforementioned tunes, along with Cracklin' Rosie, I Am ... I Said, Holly Holy, Red Red Wine, Shilo and the Jazz Singer soundtrack. No less an arbiter of taste than Quentin Tarantino chose Urge Overkill's cover of Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon for a pivotal scene in Pulp Fiction. And don't even get us started on Sweet Caroline, which has the power to bring hipsters, frat boys and grizzled barflies together whenever it's cued up on the jukebox or karaoke night.
Argument 3
Young is a member of rock's "In Crowd," counting Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Pearl Jam and CS&N as pals.
Rebuttal
Diamond has also had his share of high-profile collaborators, chief among them The Band's Robbie Robertson, who produced his Beautiful Noise album in 1976. It was at Robertson's behest that Diamond appeared at The Band's farewell concert (memorialized in Martin Scorsese's The Last Waltz), alongside Young, Mitchell, Dylan and others. And while we're probably not going to score many points by bringing up the duet with Barbra Streisand, it's also worth pointing out Diamond's last two albums were produced by career makeover-maven Rick Rubin (more on him later).
Argument 4
Seeing Young live is a mind-blowing experience. Diamond? Not so much.
Rebuttal
Um, ever listen to Hot August Night all the way through? That thing is like a psychic roller-coaster (bong-soaked dorm resident, pay attention), capturing Brother Love -- during one of 10 sold out concerts at L.A.'s Greek Theatre in '72 -- in all his kitschy, pomp-and-circumstance-prone glory. And Diamond is still so popular that the Heavy Metal Parking Lot guys made a Neil-centric sequel outside one of his shows.
Argument 5
Hey, didn't Diamond make a record based on Jonathan Livingston Seagull?
Rebuttal
Yeah, but Neil Young made Trans, so it's a tossup.
Argument 6
Even in his twilight years, Young remains relevant.
Rebuttal
No argument there, though Diamond ain't exactly a nostalgia act. His collaborations with Rubin (2005's 12 Songs and this year's Home Before Dark) stand with his best work. And arguably, he's had a more indelible impression on pop culture. Besides the Jack Black movie, the Will Ferrell impression and the soundtrack to Shrek, there's also that exchange in What About Bob?, where Bill Murray posits there are two types of people in the world -- those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.
One guess which camp we belong to.
