Reality bites: 1) Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will take part in a new reality series that will show everyone their courtship, engagement and wedding and will include private home movies of their "personal love story." Criminy.
2) Kevin Federline is also hoping to star in a reality series that will follow the dancer/singer/model/ main chance guy/love ferret as he records his first wonderful CD.
3) All three of Britney Spears' dogs will be part of a new TV reality series -- Eat! Walk! Poop! Sleep! -- about life as a pampered celebrity pooch.
4) Britney Spears' manicurist, Miss Madge, will soon star in her own TV reality series in which she will discuss the exigencies of buffing and polishing for the stars.
More excitement: 1) Variety reports that Hilary and Haylie Duff will star in Material Girls, a comedy allegedly inspired by Madonna's '80s hit song of the same name. Say -- that's comedic.
The super-talented Duff sisters will play cosmetics heiresses who lose their fortune in a corporate scandal and determine to find the villain. Even more thrilling, Hilary Duff will sing a version of Material Girl for the soundtrack. Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z.
2) Rumours abound that Lindsay Lohan and former bad boy Christian Slater are a romantic item.
3) We are so not!, claims Miss Lohan.
4) Are too.
5) Are not.
County court roundup:
1) "People saw me as the benchmark queer while George was passing himself off as a straight stud. In fact, he was loitering in public loos like some pre-war homosexual. It's one thing to keep quiet. It's another to pretend you're someone you're not."
Boy George, although guilty himself of pretending to be a singer, is quoted in the New York Post explaining why he's mad at George Michael, or some damn thing or other.
2) Christina Aguilera's skanky ho-ish adverts for Sketchers shoes will get the lambasting they deserve from the Advertising Women of New York, and so will Paris Hilton's ads for snake ads for Guess jeans, so nya, nya, a boo boo.
3) Soccer player David Beckham and his wife, former Pish and Posh Spice Girl Victoria, will be permitted to keep the two-storey tree house they built for their children. They have been awarded retrospective planning permission.
The children's play fort thingy has a portcullis, drawbridge, a tower, and perhaps a few hired serfs for extra fun -- and cost about $250,000 to build.
4) If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven.
5) "I've got hormones running through my system as I sit wriggling on my chair." Nicole Kidman, who can really turn a phrase, inadvertently fuels rumours that she is pregnant while blathering on Australian TV. Maybe she just had to use the loo.