  Morally upright beauty Ylenia shrinks from the idea of posing suggestively for a lingerie shoot in tonight's Canada's Next Top Model.
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It's tangible treasures versus intangible success this week, as things get down and dirty on Canada's Next Top Model, the competition heats up on Canadian Idol and 30 would-be Indiana Jones (and Janes) keep their eyes on the prize in the NBC's new reality entry, Treasure Hunters.
Man, I should get a job writing those TV promotional blurbs. Might be more fun than actually watching the shows.
Canada's Next Top Model (Wednesday at 8, CITY-TV): Not only are the girls' claws starting to come out as the competition progresses, but they're beginning to unhinge. And not always in a way that's fun to watch.
Last week alone, Andrea cried because judge Stacey McKenzie told her she tends to interrupt, Brandi cried because she got into the hot tub with her iPod and wrecked it, and Ylenia cried because the judges made an offhand remark about her being slightly thick in the middle while praising her overall look.
Oddly enough, the only person not crying was Natalie, the statuesque 22-year-old from New Westminster, B.C., who was bounced from the contest. Poor Nat got cut when the judges decided she was too tall and too generous of rump to be a runway model. But then modelling has about as much in common with reality as, well, reality shows.
Tonight, the girls do a lingerie shoot and strike suggestive poses with a male model, something which causes Ylenia no small amount of concern. Hopefully morals don't prove as taboo in modelling as nice curvy butts.
Canadian Idol: Both of this week's episodes air tomorrow, from 8 to 10 p.m., on CTV. Maybe CTV didn't want to go up against the Stanley Cup final Monday night?
This is the point in every series of Idol where the tone shifts, as the gold ticket winners go through a winnowing process to separate the musical wheat from the tone-deaf chaff.
It's also the point where things start to get a little dull. I mean, last week we had the Cher-Celine Dion hybrid Lylian, who ended her brutalizing of Believe with, "No, I'm sorry, I cannot sing that song." You're not lying there, honey.
Then there was Canada's own Jeff Spicoli, Al McKinnon from Petawawa, Ont., who did a great rendition of Black Betty and was rewarded with a gold ticket to Toronto. "Yeah!" he cheered. "The Canadian equivalent of Hollywood!" Classic.
Then there was the "I DON'T LIKE BOYS!" screaming girl from Winnipeg, and the stripper on rollerskates, and Rob James from forgotten '90s duo McMaster & James ... this is why the auditions are so much fun. But it's all over now. Sigh.
Tomorrow, the 200 or so gold ticket holders will be trimmed to a couple dozen finalists, all of whom will no doubt be capable singers. Where's the fun in that?
Treasure Hunters (tonight at 9, Global and NBC): Combine CBS's The Amazing Race with the movie National Treasure and wrap it up in The DaVinci Code, and you have a great idea for a reality show. But NBC's Treasure Hunters isn't living up to its premise.
Not yet, at least. This shameless ripoff of The Amazing Race is nicely shot and has some interesting contestants, but it's trying way too damn hard to be dramatic. And I've seen trees with more personality than host Laird Macintosh.
Last night's two-hour premiere episode introduced us to the 10 teams of three, who must solve puzzles and gather clues to track down some mysterious and unnamed big treasure.
Ultimately, the so-called Geniuses and the Young Professionals became the only two teams not to figure out that the first of seven artifacts was located at Mount Rushmore. Their time-wasting pursuit of a red herring pitted them against each other in last place, with the Geniuses edging out the Pros at the end to avoid elimination.
Tonight, the teams strike out in search of the next artifact, which may or may not involve snakes, mud, and that fat guy with the giant man-boobs trying not to drown. OK, maybe there's some entertainment to be had here after all.
