There are times in your life when just nothing makes sense. The world seems cold and ugly and just so unfair. You look for a sign, any sign, that things happen for a reason and that everything will be okay.
Which brings us to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (tonight at 10 p.m. on CBS and CH). Like really hot angels in underwear, Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum and Gisele Bundchen descend tonight in all their nubile glory. To gaze upon them is to see the hand of God.
Or the hand of CBS super boss Les Moonves, which, in TV terms, same thing.
This tasteful little porn parade used to be a November sweeps staple. Then Super Bowl legend Janet Jackson had her top torn off and everybody went nuts. Suddenly, the only boobs in television were buying the shows.
UNDERWEAR BACK IN
'Course, that was before Britney Spears started spreading the word that she doesn't wear panties.
Suddenly, underwear has been restored to a higher level of respectability. Moonves and CBS are actually performing a public service, helping Britney and Lindsay and Paris to see that you can cover your crotch without feeling insanely overdressed.
Things have swung so far the other way that wardrobe malfunctioner Justin Timberlake is actually part of tonight's panty party, struttin' and posin' to his new album FutureSex/LoveSounds (could you make up your mind and pick one title?). Timberlake within arms length of babes in bras? It's kind of like asking Michael Richards to lead a Million Man March.
Ricky Martin also performs a thong and song medley. Try not to laugh at his Fauxhawk. His big number is called Drop It On Me. Sadly, no one does.
Klum's hubby Seal also performs on the special. His wife, who hosts Project Runway, is making her first fashion show appearance since they had a little baby Seal Nov. 24. Don't hate her because there are no stretch marks.
Canadian supermodel Heather Marks, from Calgary, is also featured on the show. She's part of the next generation of Victoria's Secret "Angels," including Selita Ebanks and Izabel Goulart. I'd say more but I wanna leave room for photos.
They all cavort on runways and red carpets in their Santa hats and skivvies. It is Christmas at its naked best and brings new meaning to the term, "Ho-Ho-Ho."
Speaking of which, look for Britney and Lindsay and Paris to headline this jaw dropper next season. If you're going to serve tarts for Christmas, don't forget the fruitcake.
GLOBAL FINALLY GETS IT:
After holding back the Can-con damn for years, CanWest Global is opening the flood gates. The network announced yesterday that they're going back to the beach -- Falcon Beach -- starting Jan. 5. Second year comedy The Jane Show, starring Teresa Pavlinek, also returns in '07. A whack of new Canadian shows are also in development, including The Best Years (a campus series from a Degrassi producer), Da Kink In My Hair (based on the stage play), Love You To Death (a black comedy anthology hosted by indie film dude John Waters), Painkiller Jane (a sci-fi series starring Terminator 3's Kristanna Loken) and Durham County (a police drama starring Justin Louis). Look for them to be spread among Global, CH and the network's various specialty channels.
It doesn't take a Columbo to see past the timing of this little flag waving: Right now in Ottawa, the CRTC is taking a hard look at the whole sorry Canadian TV industry. Go, Canada.
